Mom uses fun times as lever­age

The Commercial Appeal - - Sports -

I am a 13-year-old girl in Mon­treal. I go to a pri­vate high-tech school with nice friends and teach­ers. I have di­vorced par­ents and an el­der brother, “Ed­ward.”

My mom and I spend qual­ity time to­gether pretty of­ten. We go out and have fun, and she buys me things. The thing is that she does these nice things — such as tak­ing me for ice cream or shop­ping — and then uses them against me later. She also says I’m rude when I’m just do­ing my thing. I am sick and tired of hav­ing my mom use the fun times and ac­tiv­i­ties we do as lever­age to make me feel bad. Why does she do these things? Is it my fault? Is it hers? Should I talk about it again with her?

Also, my mom tells me not to bully Ed­ward, when he lies more than I do and of­ten starts the prob­lems. She doesn’t be­lieve me when I tell her the truth, though. Does she like him more than me? I must ad­mit that I get along bet­ter with my fa­ther and Ed­ward gets along bet­ter with our mother. But Mom al­ways tells me we’re equal in her eyes. I don’t be­lieve her. Please help me; I have no one else to turn to.

Though we do our best as par­ents, some­times we don’t re­al­ize the im­pact of our words. The next time you and Mom are out to­gether, tell her how much you en­joy the qual­ity time. Then ex­plain that you’re feel­ing anx­ious about do­ing these out­ings to­gether be­cause you’re afraid she’ll bring the mem­o­ries up in a neg­a­tive con­text. Rest as­sured your mom loves you and your brother equally, my dear. You both will al­ways be No. 1 in her heart, no mat­ter what.

Re­gard­ing your is­sues with your brother, here’s the bad news: El­der sib­lings have been blam­ing younger sib­lings for things since the dawn of time. The good news: They even­tu­ally grow out of it. In the mean­time, when Ed­ward starts to bug you, just ig­nore him.

This is in re­sponse to “First-Time Heart Pa­tient.” I’m not a physi­cian, but I’m a re­tired open-heart surgery nurse who spe­cial­ized in crit­i­cal care. I want to as­sure “First-Time Heart Pa­tient” that it sounds as if he re­ceived ex­cel­lent care. Ap­par­ently, the doc­tors thought his sit­u­a­tion was so crit­i­cal that rather than dis­charge him from the hos­pi­tal, they sent him for car­diac in­ter­ven­tion as soon as it could be co­or­di­nated. This would be con­sid­ered an ur­gent heart catheter­i­za­tion and in­ter­ven­tion.

Per­haps he was too over­whelmed or too ill at the time to re­mem­ber the nurses ex­plain­ing the med­i­ca­tion to him, or per­haps the meds had to be given very quickly to pre­vent fur­ther prob­lems. That hap­pens. How­ever, it should all have been in the printed copy of his dis­charge in­struc­tions, which should have been given to him and re­viewed with him be­fore he went home. I un­der­stand his anx­i­ety and con­cern about this life-threat­en­ing con­di­tion. Mended Hearts is a great sup­port group for heart pa­tients af­ter heart at­tacks and be­yond. He can check with his hos­pi­tal to see whether this is avail­able in his area. Good luck!

I so ap­pre­ci­ate your tak­ing the time to write in and share your ex­per­tise and ex­pe­ri­ence. Thank you.

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