Reader shouldn’t wait to break up

The Commercial Appeal - - Sports -

My girl­friend, “Lucy,” and I started dat­ing three years ago, dur­ing our se­nior year of col­lege. Af­ter grad­u­at­ing, we both got jobs in the same city where we had gone to school, and we ended up mov­ing in to­gether to save money. Liv­ing to­gether was sur­pris­ingly easy, as we’re both pretty low-main­te­nance peo­ple. Any­way, Lucy is a good part­ner. She’s al­ways en­cour­aged me to push my­self to pur­sue my pas­sions. She’s the rea­son I ended up ap­ply­ing to a dream job even though it was across the coun­try. I never thought I’d ac­tu­ally end up land­ing it. But I did.

I moved out here last month. The plan was for me to come out first and get set­tled in my job; then Lucy would fol­low a few months later. Things are go­ing re­ally well. The com­pany I’m work­ing for is a per­fect fit; there’s so much to see and do in the city, and I’ve al­ready made some friends. The prob­lem is I’m hav­ing sec­ond thoughts about Lucy. She’s a great per­son, and I wouldn’t even be out here if it weren’t for her en­cour­age­ment. But I just don’t find my­self feel­ing the same sparks. I feel ter­ri­ble writ­ing th­ese words, but I don’t re­ally miss her. When I see her name light­ing up my phone, I have to force my­self to an­swer it.

She’s fly­ing out for a visit soon to see my new place and ap­ply to some restau­rant jobs be­fore mak­ing the move. I don’t know what to do. Should I just wait for her to move out here and see how things go? Or do I need to break it off be­fore then? If you’re feel­ing guilty now, imag­ine how you’ll feel if she moves there. It’s time to end things. Keep it short and sweet. Thank her for the years you’ve shared, and then tell her you want to break up. Have this talk sooner rather than later. You’re not do­ing her any fa­vors by dat­ing her out of a sense of obli­ga­tion. She de­serves some­one whose face lights up when her name lights up his phone. Let her go find him.

I’m a prostate can­cer sur­vivor. I no­tice lots of pink in Oc­to­ber for Breast Can­cer Aware­ness Month, but I haven’t no­ticed as much light blue in Septem­ber for Na­tional Prostate Health Month. The last time I checked, the num­ber of men af­fected by prostate can­cer is sim­i­lar to the num­ber of women af­fected by breast can­cer, but it does not seem to get as much at­ten­tion.

Although there is not much of Septem­ber left at the time I’m writ­ing this, I’m still hop­ing to get some of th­ese facts out.

Prostate can­cer is the most com­mon can­cer among men. About 1 in 7 men will de­velop prostate can­cer in their life­times, and about 1 in 39 men will die from the dis­ease. Risk fac­tors in­clude age, fam­ily his­tory and race. African-Amer­i­can men are like­lier to de­velop this form of can­cer.

Know your risk. Talk to your doc­tor to see whether you should be screened for prostate can­cer.

Though it’s no longer Septem­ber, your mes­sage is as im­por­tant as ever. For more in­for­ma­tion, visit the Prostate Can­cer Foun­da­tion’s web­site, at

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