Be honest when making amends
Dear Harriette: I’m in my 60s now, and I have had a chance to look back on things. I realize that I often hold a grudge against people.
The few people who I used to consider my best friends are no longer close to me. We fell out years ago for one reason or another, mainly because something happened and I could not forgive them. I realize now how judgmental I have been. Nobody’s perfect, but somehow I thought that people should be kind of perfect when it came to being my friend. So many years later, I wish I could get some of those friendships back. The people are still alive, but I don’t know what I could possibly say to open that door. Any ideas?
— Down Memory Lane, Kansas City, Kansas Dear Down Memory Lane: Don’t underestimate the power of your own apology and overture to reconnect. Reach out to each of your old friends in the spirit of making amends. State how much you miss the friend, what you appreciate the most about the relationship you once had and that you hope it isn’t too late to rekindle it. Be honest about how your reaction to whatever happened years ago, coupled with your inability to forgive, helped to create a divide for all these years.
Acknowledge that you all are getting older and that you want to make the effort to reconnect with your friends. Ask each friend directly if it is possible for you to get together in the near future.
Send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.