Be hon­est when mak­ing amends

The Commercial Appeal - - Front Page -

Dear Har­ri­ette: I’m in my 60s now, and I have had a chance to look back on things. I re­al­ize that I of­ten hold a grudge against peo­ple.

The few peo­ple who I used to con­sider my best friends are no longer close to me. We fell out years ago for one rea­son or an­other, mainly be­cause some­thing hap­pened and I could not for­give them. I re­al­ize now how judg­men­tal I have been. No­body’s per­fect, but some­how I thought that peo­ple should be kind of per­fect when it came to be­ing my friend. So many years later, I wish I could get some of those friend­ships back. The peo­ple are still alive, but I don’t know what I could pos­si­bly say to open that door. Any ideas?

— Down Mem­ory Lane, Kansas City, Kansas Dear Down Mem­ory Lane: Don’t un­der­es­ti­mate the power of your own apol­ogy and over­ture to re­con­nect. Reach out to each of your old friends in the spirit of mak­ing amends. State how much you miss the friend, what you ap­pre­ci­ate the most about the re­la­tion­ship you once had and that you hope it isn’t too late to rekin­dle it. Be hon­est about how your re­ac­tion to what­ever hap­pened years ago, cou­pled with your in­abil­ity to for­give, helped to cre­ate a di­vide for all th­ese years.

Ac­knowl­edge that you all are get­ting older and that you want to make the ef­fort to re­con­nect with your friends. Ask each friend di­rectly if it is pos­si­ble for you to get to­gether in the near fu­ture.

Send ques­tions to askhar­ri­ette@har­ri­et­tecole.com or c/o Uni­ver­sal Uclick, 1130 Wal­nut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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