Hil­lary con­fu­sion

The Covington News - - OPINION -

Now that Hil­lary is run­ning for pres­i­dent, I’m re­ally con­fused about women.

Women have con­fused me since I was a kid. As the only boy, with five sis­ters, I learned early on that the fe­male sex is im­pos­si­ble for a fel­low to com­pre­hend.

No mat­ter what I did, my sis­ters were ag­i­tated with me. They said I hogged all the dessert, that I messed up the house and that I never re­placed the toi­let pa­per roll.

My fa­ther had it worse. At least once a week he’d say some­thing that would set one of my sis­ters off. As doors slammed and the house shook, he’d tell my mother, “But all I did was ask her if she wanted more carrots.”

The fem­i­nist move­ment made re­la­tions be­tween men and women all the more con­fus­ing.

I was taught to hold the car door open for a wo­man, but many women are of­fended by such a ges­ture now; they say it is pa­tron­iz­ing. The only thing more of­fen­sive, ap­par­ently, is not to of­fer to hold the car door open.

Be­fud­dle­ment with the fe­male sex is some­thing that bur­dens ev­ery man. It is why bars were in­vented. We go to bars to com­mis­er­ate with other men about our in­abil­ity to com­pre­hend what women want.

And now our be­fud­dle­ment has made its way to the pres­i­den­tial elec­tion.

As it goes, Hil­lary got clob­bered in the last de­bate. She stood on so many sides of the is­sues, she sprained her an­kles. Her an­swers to mod­er­a­tor Tim Russert’s ques­tions were so eva­sive, her male com­peti­tors fi­nally had an op­por­tu­nity to pounce.

But rather than take the pounc­ing like a man, Hil­lary re­sponded like an of­fended teen girl. Her cam­paign por­trayed her as a vic­tim— they said the meany men piled up on her. Her hus­band, an­gered by the treat­ment of his lit­tle lady, said she was swift-boated.

Which begs the un­for­tu­nate ques­tion: What does a wo­man run­ning for pres­i­dent re­ally want?

Does she want to be mea­sured solely by her skills as a leader and de­bater or does she want our sym­pa­thy ev­ery time things go wrong?

Does she want to win be­cause her ideas and vi­sion of­fer the best so­lu­tions for Amer­ica or does she hope to make her way to the pres­i­dency by stok­ing the emo­tions and ire of her fe­male sup­port­ers?

Does she want Amer­ica to be a truly pro­gres­sive place or does she want to play the wounded-fe­male card ev­ery time?

It’s no won­der why men are so per­plexed by Hil­lary. A re­cent USA To­day/Gallup Poll found that half of all men would never vote for her.

Per­haps Hil­lary would do bet­ter if she fol­lowed the lead of for­mer Bri­tish Prime Min­is­ter Mag­gie Thatcher. Like Thatcher or hate her, she was never de­fined as a wo­man. She was de­fined by her lead­er­ship, tough­ness and ideas.

I wish Hil­lary would ditch the touchy-feely stuff. I wish she would more clearly de­fine her ideas. Then men wouldn’t vote against her be­cause they are be­wil­dered. They’ll vote against her be­cause her big-gov­ern­ment ideas are the ex­act wrong di­rec­tion for Amer­ica to go.

But I fear Hil­lary won’t stop pulling out the fe­male card. Maybe if she makes it to the pres­i­dency, she can use it to her ad­van­tage.

If a rogue dic­ta­tor threat­ens to at­tack us, she can build a gi­ant pair of bi­fo­cals that spans all 50 states and say, “You wouldn’t fight a coun­try with glasses, would you?”

If Ah­madine­jad doesn’t give up his nu­clear am­bi­tions, she can build a lamp the size of Maine and threaten to throw it at him.

If al-Qaida threat­ens to strike, she can stall them by say­ing, “Not tonight, Osama. I have a headache.”

PUR­CELL

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