Branding your baby
My wife is a sixth grade school teacher and every year about this time she has memorized the names of the dozens of children she teaches.
There are an assortment of syllables that folks have sewn together to create a moniker for their offspring.
But what’s more amazing is what folks are choosing to name their kids now. There is a list of names used last year, not on Mars, but right here in Georgia.
It has left me wondering what might have been happening when their newborn made its debut.
For example, from the birth class of 2007 there are 170 children in Georgia named Lexus, as in the luxury car. There are only two children named Toyota. No one named their kid Chevrolet or Honda. If you named your child Lexus, is that going to make him aspire to own one or steal one. If you named your child Toyota and you get tired of her, maybe she’ll have a better trade-in value.
There are 29 named Dasani, which is a brand of bottled water made by the CocaCola Company. There are 20 children named Fanta, also a Coke brand. There were none named Coke or Pepsi, but there were four named Cola and one named Soda. There was one child named RC. If they have another, you could only hope they would name it Moon Pie.
There is one named Michelob, a brand of beer. Can you take a Michelob to school? Only if he’s five and has had his shots.
There are three named L’Oreal and three named Clinique, both brands of cosmetic products. Maybe the mom needed to put on a little makeup before she named that baby and voila, there it was right before her eyes (or even on her eyes).
There were 10 children named Courvoisier, a brand of cognac that was popular with Napoleon in the old days. More recently, it was the drink of choice for “The Ladies Man,” a “Saturday Night Live” sketch that was made into a pretty bad movie.
There were 72 people who tipped their hat by naming their child Stetson. A total of 13 people must really love their bank because their child is named Wachovia.
All sorts of combinations surrounding royalty are out there, including 85 named King and 58 named Queen. That doesn’t include the various combinations like King James and Queen Bath Sheba.
If branding your child with a trademark is not exactly your cup of Sanka (there’s one of those), you can always give your kid a name that is also an occupation.
Judge was the choice for 14 children, seven were named Priest, but only two named Pastor. There are two Sheriffs, two Senators, six Generals, and just one Writer.
There are a few true Southerners in the bunch. There are 187 named Dixie, but way up on the list are 4,580 named Savannah. Only 22 people opted for Macon, while 11 named their child Cairo. We don’t know if that’s the one in deep South Georgia or in faraway Egypt.
By the way, the Harris ranks grew by 139 last year. That’s still not enough to get our name on a personalized key chain or pencil at Disney World.
But little Wachovia can find one and it may not have a chain attached.
Harris Blackwood, a native of Social Circle, is on the editorial board of The Gainesville Times. Send e-mail to hblackwood@gainesvilletimes.