Brand­ing your baby

The Covington News - - Opinion -

My wife is a sixth grade school teacher and ev­ery year about this time she has mem­o­rized the names of the dozens of chil­dren she teaches.

There are an as­sort­ment of syl­la­bles that folks have sewn to­gether to cre­ate a moniker for their off­spring.

But what’s more amaz­ing is what folks are choos­ing to name their kids now. There is a list of names used last year, not on Mars, but right here in Ge­or­gia.

It has left me won­der­ing what might have been hap­pen­ing when their new­born made its de­but.

For ex­am­ple, from the birth class of 2007 there are 170 chil­dren in Ge­or­gia named Lexus, as in the lux­ury car. There are only two chil­dren named Toy­ota. No one named their kid Chevro­let or Honda. If you named your child Lexus, is that go­ing to make him as­pire to own one or steal one. If you named your child Toy­ota and you get tired of her, maybe she’ll have a bet­ter trade-in value.

There are 29 named Dasani, which is a brand of bot­tled wa­ter made by the Co­caCola Com­pany. There are 20 chil­dren named Fanta, also a Coke brand. There were none named Coke or Pepsi, but there were four named Cola and one named Soda. There was one child named RC. If they have an­other, you could only hope they would name it Moon Pie.

There is one named Mich­e­lob, a brand of beer. Can you take a Mich­e­lob to school? Only if he’s five and has had his shots.

There are three named L’Oreal and three named Clin­ique, both brands of cos­metic prod­ucts. Maybe the mom needed to put on a lit­tle makeup be­fore she named that baby and voila, there it was right be­fore her eyes (or even on her eyes).

There were 10 chil­dren named Cour­voisier, a brand of co­gnac that was pop­u­lar with Napoleon in the old days. More re­cently, it was the drink of choice for “The Ladies Man,” a “Satur­day Night Live” sketch that was made into a pretty bad movie.

There were 72 peo­ple who tipped their hat by nam­ing their child Stet­son. A to­tal of 13 peo­ple must re­ally love their bank be­cause their child is named Wa­chovia.

All sorts of com­bi­na­tions sur­round­ing royalty are out there, in­clud­ing 85 named King and 58 named Queen. That doesn’t in­clude the var­i­ous com­bi­na­tions like King James and Queen Bath Sheba.

If brand­ing your child with a trade­mark is not ex­actly your cup of Sanka (there’s one of those), you can al­ways give your kid a name that is also an oc­cu­pa­tion.

Judge was the choice for 14 chil­dren, seven were named Priest, but only two named Pas­tor. There are two Sher­iffs, two Se­na­tors, six Gen­er­als, and just one Writer.

There are a few true South­ern­ers in the bunch. There are 187 named Dixie, but way up on the list are 4,580 named Sa­van­nah. Only 22 peo­ple opted for Ma­con, while 11 named their child Cairo. We don’t know if that’s the one in deep South Ge­or­gia or in far­away Egypt.

By the way, the Har­ris ranks grew by 139 last year. That’s still not enough to get our name on a per­son­al­ized key chain or pen­cil at Dis­ney World.

But lit­tle Wa­chovia can find one and it may not have a chain at­tached.

Har­ris Black­wood, a na­tive of So­cial Cir­cle, is on the ed­i­to­rial board of The Gainesville Times. Send e-mail to hblack­wood@gainesvil­letimes.

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