Party de­pends on your cup of tea

The Covington News - - The second opinion - Free­land writer Ric Latarski can be reached at

With the an­nounce­ment she is run­ning for the Repub­li­can nom­i­na­tion for Pres­i­dent, Min­nesota Rep. Michele Bachman ap­pears to have emerged as the pri­mary point per­son for the Tea Party and will make great waves dur­ing the cam­paign, as­sum­ing she does not con­tin­u­ally step on her tongue.

Ron Paul and Jim DeMint are also pro­moted as staunch Tea Party fa­vorites so right now it is dif­fi­cult to de­ter­mine who this group will put their sup­port be­hind.

No doubt the Tea Party will make much noise dur­ing the cam­paign de­spite the fact they are not re­ally a party but an off­shoot of the Repub­li­cans with a plat­form that ei­ther ebbs and flows with the hours of the day or ex­ists as a shadow on a wall in an empty room.

There is no deny­ing the Tea Party, what­ever it is, has made a sig­nif­i­cant im­pact and in­vig­o­rated some while caus­ing dis­may in oth­ers.

There are many within the Repub­li­can Party who don’t know what to make of this group or its lead­ers, who have shown no guts or in­cli­na­tion to ac­tu­ally aban­don the Repub­li­cans and cre­ate a new third party, know­ing such a move would be deadly to their cause.

But since the im­pact is real per­haps it is time for var­i­ous groups to ex­plore their own ver­sion of the Tea Party.

How about the Green Tea Party? This group would sup­port en­vi­ron­men­tal causes and ad­mit there is such a thing as global warm­ing and that man has con­trib­uted to the prob­lem, but main­tain the root cause is not green­house gas but state­house gas from po­lit­i­cal ex­trem­ists who blather on sup­port­ing po­si­tions a worm could not achieve.

Sweet Tea Party. This col­lec­tion of con­cerned cit­i­zens would seek to co­a­lesce the in­ter­est of the sugar lobby, the Wed­nes­day night Bap­tist cov­ered dish crowd and any­one who has been north of the Ma­son-Dixon Line and re­ceived a “Huh?” when or­der­ing sweet tea in a restau­rant.

They would be ri­valed by the Unsweet­ened Tea Party. This group of ul­tra-ul­tra con­ser­va­tives would spe­cial­ize in rewrit­ing his­tory and tak­ing out facts prov­ing to be in­con­ve­nient to their cause while fight­ing ag­gres­sively against any­one any­where who might be hav­ing fun.

The Chinese Tea Party would sim­ply de­clare all work in Wash­ing­ton to be junk and refuse to co­op­er­ate with any­one about any­thing. Their dif­fi­culty would arise from not be­ing dis­tin­guished from any other group in Wash­ing­ton.

The Morn­ing Thun­der Her­bal Tea Party would be a move­ment sup­port­ing the no­tion of a “New Morn­ing in Amer­ica” and back Newt Gingrich as their can­di­date, sup­port­ing a man who has lis­tened to his own rum­blings for years and stares into the mir­ror each morn­ing and mum­bles, “I think I can, I think I can.”

The Earl Grey Tea Party would main­tain the po­si­tion noth­ing is black and white and what­ever the is­sue you can find mid­dle ground if you change your mind enough. Mitt Rom­ney would be listed as the charter mem­ber.

The Rus­sian Tea Party would have the best happy hours for its mem­bers and prove caviar is an ac­quired taste but likely not gain much mo­men­tum sim­ply be­cause of the name.

The In­dian Spice Tea Party would be a sur­prise join­ing of dis­grun­tled Na­tive Amer­i­cans who were bilked out of their land and al­most ex­ter­mi­nated and all the peo­ple work­ing for Amer­i­can cor­po­ra­tions at phone banks in In­dia. The com­mon goal would be to col­lect $27 bil­lion in repa­ra­tions and open a call cen­ter on the beach in Hawaii re­quir­ing any­one an­swer­ing the phone to be able to speak English.

Even the Democrats could get in the act and have a half-baked splin­ter group known as the Chamomile Tea Party. This group would pro­mote the idea of giv­ing ev­ery­thing to ev­ery­one but be so mel­low they would think it is 1972 and an­nounce Ted Kennedy as their can­di­date.

What­ever hap­pens with the Tea Party, it demon­strates that a lot of folks are look­ing for al­ter­na­tives.

So have a glass of tea while con­sid­er­ing your vot­ing op­tions. Like the man said when the lu­natics were laugh­ing at him, it couldn’t hurt.


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