Cal­i­for­nia law un­likely to pass here soon

The Covington News - - Opinion - DICK YARBROUGH, COLUM­NIST Reach Dick Yarbrough at yarb2400@bell­ or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, GA 31139.

The phone rang the other day and on the other end of the line was Gay Blade, the world’s flam­ing lib­eral. Gay spends a lot of time try­ing to raise my sen­si­tiv­ity to­ward lib­eral is­sues. So far, Gay has not had a lot of luck.

“OK, Ne­an­derthal,” Gay Blade said, “I guess you have heard about what’s hap­pened in Cal­i­for­nia.” I told Gay I wasn’t up on the lat­est news from out there, but I hoped that maybe the state had slid off into the Pa­cific Ocean and if not the whole place, maybe at least San Fran­cisco.

“You are such an ig­no­rant red­neck,” Gay ex­claimed, “I won­der why I even bother with you.”

“I am call­ing to in­form you that The State of Cal­i­for­nia has passed a law that will re­quire schools to teach at all grade lev­els about the his­tor­i­cal con­tri­bu­tions of gay, les­bian, bi­sex­ual and trans­gen­der peo­ple,” Gay Blade said, “and the bill is on the desk of Gov. Jerry Brown wait­ing to be signed.” That kind of law in Cal­i­for­nia didn’t sur­prise me, but the part about Jerry Brown did. I as­sumed Gov. Moon­beam was still on Saturn with Ge­or­gia's Am­bas­sador to Outer Space, Cyn­thia McKinney.

I thought Cal­i­for­nia had more press­ing prob­lems than teach­ing kids about trans­gen­der his­tor­i­cal fig­ures – such as be­ing in debt up to their Birken­stocks, be­ing the car theft cap­i­tal of the coun­try and hav­ing both Nancy Pelosi and Los An­ge­les call the state home. You would think they would want to fix that stuff first, but then, this is Cal­i­for­nia we are talk­ing about here.

Cal­i­for­nia schools are al­ready re­quired to teach about women, blacks, Mex­i­cans, en­trepreneurs, Asians, Euro­peans, Amer­i­can In­di­ans and La­bor. I don’t know how they are go­ing to cram all of that into one school year, un­less they can lo­cate a bi­sex­ual Mex­i­can-In­dian en­tre­pre­neur who be­longs to a la­bor union and knows a lot of blacks and women in Asia and Europe. That could save a lot of time and al­low the schools to of­fer some elec­tives, like math and science. And English.

What will the school kids in Cal­i­for­nia learn in this course, I asked Gay.

“Our chil­dren will find out that Pres. James Buchanan and Vice Pres­i­dent Wil­liam R. King were more than, shall we say, good friends,” she said coyly. I didn’t want to tell Gay that the first thing the teach­ers need to do is tell the stu­dents who James Buchanan is be­fore they talk about what he did. Not many peo­ple have ever heard of him. That is be­cause he didn’t do any­thing while pres­i­dent. Well, at least that is what I thought un­til I talked to Gay Blade.

I was hop­ing the course would have some juicy stuff on Mil­lard Fillmore. It was Fillmore who al­lowed the State of Cal­i­for­nia to join the union in 1850 while he was pres­i­dent. If he had not done that, Cal­i­for­nia would still be­long to Mex­ico and I wouldn’t be hav­ing this con­ver­sa­tion with Gay Blade about what James Buchanan and Wil­liam King did or didn’t do in their spare time. I have a re­ally neg­a­tive opin­ion of Mil­lard Fillmore.

Gay Blade said the rea­son for the call was to in­form me that it was only a mat­ter of time be­fore there was go­ing to be pres­sure to pass such a law in Ge­or­gia and that I might want to get you ready for the in­evitable. I told Gay I didn’t think that was go­ing to hap­pen any­time soon here. I felt sure if such a thing was go­ing to oc­cur my friends in the Leg­is­la­ture would tell me first. I have a lot of friends in the Leg­is­la­ture.

I told Gay that our leg­is­la­tors were more wor­ried these days about pay­ing their taxes promptly and strength­en­ing our al­ready­world class ethics laws and about some­body – I’m not sure who – mi­cro-chip­ping our body parts with­out our per­mis­sion than they were about teach­ing bi­sex­ual his­tory in our schools.

Be­sides, we have a lot of pride in Ge­or­gia’s his­tory and the last thing we need to know is that some guy we named a county for used to run around at night in hoop skirts. With all due re­spect to Cal­i­for­nia, I don’t think our kids could han­dle that kind of stuff. They are go­ing to be bummed enough as it is when they find out about James Buchanan and Wil­liam R. King.

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