Break­ing the sound bar­rier

The Covington News - - Opinion - David Mccoy, a self­pro­claimed South­ern Gentleman and Racon­teur-in-train­ing, lives in Cov­ing­ton with his fam­ily.

How many of you grew up read­ing about a su­per­hero who had amaz­ing pow­ers and who flew around town fight­ing crime while look­ing snazzy in a form-fit­ting cos­tume? Come on; you know you read about Su­per­man or Won­der Woman or other comic book he­roes, and you wanted to be just like them. You wanted su­per­pow­ers, and if you had any fash­ion sense, you wanted a snazzy cape with your ini­tials on the back. Maybe you haven’t given up hope. Maybe you still want su­per­pow­ers, even if you’re will­ing to com­pro­mise on the cos­tume. I know which su­per­power I’d want, were I sud­denly to be granted my wish. I wouldn’t want to fly, see through walls, or bend steel bars. I’d want some­thing much more pow­er­ful. I’d want the abil­ity to make peo­ple shut their mouths un­til they had some­thing use­ful to say.

I can hear it now: “You’re se­ri­ous? You could have xray vi­sion, and all you want is the power to stop peo­ple from talk­ing?” Yes! That’s right. If I had x-ray vi­sion, some lawyer would start a class ac­tion suit against me for “ex­pos­ing count­less mil­lions to dan­ger­ous ra­di­a­tion.” If I could fly, the FAA would make me wear a big num­ber on my rump, and they’d try to in­spect me ev­ery three thou­sand miles. And if I could bend steel bars with my bare hands, one of those unions would put me to work turn­ing out new mini­van bumpers. No. Those su­per­pow­ers be­long in a dif­fer­ent gen­er­a­tion – one that’s long gone. But con­sider what you could do if you had the power to si­lence some­one. Say you’re in the su­per­mar­ket and some scary guy is blab­ber­ing on and on about who holds the record for most hits in pro­fes­sional roller derby. Wouldn’t you like to snap your fin­gers and watch his tongue fall stone silent? Think of all the politi­cians you’ve been forced to lis­ten to this year. Now do you see my point?

I know this is the su­per­power I’d want. Grow­ing up, all I wanted to do was fly through the air and break the sound bar­rier, just like Su­per­man used to do. But now that I’m older, I’ve taken a full turn: In­stead of break­ing the sound bar­rier, I’d like to erect one be­tween me and the chat­ter­ing masses. If I had that power, I’d even set­tle for a pink cape, if that’s all they have left at the su­per­hero cloth­ing store.


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