Woman holds on to decades-long af­fair

The Daily Herald - - SHORT TAKES -

Dear Abby: I have been dat­ing a mar­ried man for 30 years. Our re­la­tion­ship started a few months af­ter he got mar­ried. I know it was wrong to be­gin the re­la­tion­ship, but it started just as a way for me to get sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ence. For him, I think he was in­fat­u­ated with the idea that a younger woman found him at­trac­tive.

I asked him out know­ing he was mar­ried, thus safe from ex­pect­ing a com­mit­ment. I don’t think ei­ther of us ex­pected our so-called re­la­tion­ship to last this long. I have dated other men (who knew noth­ing of him) and gave birth to a child (not his), so it’s not like he’s the only man I see. (Of course, he knows I date other men.)

Many times I have thought about end­ing our af­fair be­cause I feel guilty, and sad for his wife. My prob­lem is our con­ver­sa­tions are in­tox­i­cat­ing, our kisses, touches and love­mak­ing are like no other. Must I stop see­ing him? Or do you think what oth­ers don’t know won’t hurt them? — Can’t Stop See­ing Him

Dear Can’t Stop: The prob­lem with the ra­tio­nale “what oth­ers don’t know won’t hurt them” is that, at some point, the truth usu­ally comes out. And when it does, there are usu­ally plenty of hurt feel­ings. Frankly, I’m sur­prised your lover has been able to keep you un­der wraps for 30 years with­out the two of you be­ing spot­ted some­where.

If you are truly sad for your lover’s wife, you should end the af­fair. How­ever, be­cause it has taken you three decades to dis­cover your con­science, I some­how doubt you will.

Dear Abby: I’m an asex­ual woman in my 20s, and I feel mis­un­der­stood. When I “come out” to peo­ple, they usu­ally make a rude or vul­gar com­ment. “Asex­ual” is the ac­cepted term for peo­ple who are sex-re­pulsed or who don’t ex­pe­ri­ence sex­ual at­trac­tion. I fit both of those def­i­ni­tions.

Peo­ple want to know what’s wrong with me: Is it a hor­monal im­bal­ance? Was I mo­lested? Am I se­cretly gay? One man even sug­gested that sleep­ing with him would “fix me”! If it comes up around fam­ily, they al­ways sug­gest that some­one will come around and change my mind.

Is 25 years old too young to know for sure that I don’t want to have sex? — Ace In South Carolina

Dear Ace: Twenty-five is def­i­nitely old enough to know for sure whether you have a sex drive — or not. Be­cause you are open about your lack of in­ter­est in sex, you should not be­come de­fen­sive if some­one asks an ig­no­rant ques­tion about it.

If the per­son asks if it’s a hor­monal im­bal­ance, the re­sult of hav­ing been mo­lested or if you are gay, all you have to say is, “Nope, nope and nope!” As to the man who con­fused his mem­ber with a magic wand, “No, thanks!” would have been a po­lite re­sponse to an ob­vi­ously de­luded in­di­vid­ual.

Univer­sal Uclick


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