Ask Amy

Dear Amy: My wife and I met when we were 20. We’ve been mar­ried for 15 years. We have two won­der­ful young chil­dren. Our is­sues started four years ago when

The Denver Post - - LIFE & CULTURE - By Amy Dick­in­son Send ques­tions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or write to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michi­gan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

my wife ac­cused me of cheat­ing with a co-worker.

She ad­mits she knows there was noth­ing go­ing on, but she thinks I was emo­tion­ally in love with my co-worker. My wife and I fought about this for more than a year; she was phys­i­cally abu­sive to me and threat­ened to kill her­self — but the drama ended when I got a dif­fer­ent job.

I stopped car­ing as much about her and didn’t show my ap­pre­ci­a­tion and love, but we still had a func­tional mar­riage, trav­eled a lot and had many happy mo­ments.

A cou­ple of months back, she dis­cov­ered that her father is cheat­ing on her mother. Also, two of her close rel­a­tives died of can­cer, and she re­cently started work­ing.

Now she is de­ter­mined to di­vorce me, and I’m dev­as­tated. I’m try­ing to prove to her how much I love her.

Is there any chance I can win her back? — For­lorn Hus­band

Dear For­lorn: Your de­scrip­tion of your wife makes her sound un­sta­ble and abu­sive. Falsely ac­cus­ing you, phys­i­cally abus­ing you, threat­en­ing sui­cide and now leav­ing you: You can’t just bounce back from th­ese things. Nor should you. Mar­riage coun­sel­ing for the two of you and ther­apy for her might have helped when she was act­ing out, ac­cus­ing you of adul­tery and mak­ing your life mis­er­able un­til she got what she wanted and you left your job. In­stead, it seems that rather than work­ing things out, you sim­ply tried to move on.

But mov­ing on doesn’t work, un­less you’ve re­solved your chal­lenges.

At this point, you should ac­cept that a sep­a­ra­tion might be best for ev­ery­one.

Liv­ing in this much drama and dis­cord is not good for chil­dren. Ther­apy would help put some of this in per­spec­tive. I hope you will gain the in­sight to see that try­ing to win back the love of some­one who has been so abu­sive to you is not a healthy choice.

Dear Amy: I’m writ­ing my re­sume, and I am on the fence about in­clud­ing a job I walked out on. I grad­u­ated from col­lege in 2014, and a few months later I got my first job as a med­i­cal as­sis­tant. I worked there for 10 months and missed one day be­cause of ill­ness.

The of­fice man­ager was a bully to me, and I was not treated with any re­spect by the doc­tors. I was yelled at and cursed if I made a mis­take.

One day, af­ter weeks of bust­ing my butt for them, the of­fice man­ager yelled and threat­ened me in front of my co-worker over some­thing I did not do.

I had enough and walked out. I have never done that be­fore. Now I am un­sure if I should in­clude this job on my re­sume be­cause I’m sure I will not get a good ref­er­ence. This could cause me to lose a job op­por­tu­nity. You are not sup­posed to say any­thing neg­a­tive when do­ing in­ter­views.

Please give me some ad­vice on this. I just want an­other job and don’t want this to hurt my chances. — Wor­ried Worker

Dear Worker: A re­sume is es­sen­tially a mar­ket­ing doc­u­ment. Ev­ery­thing listed must be true, but you can omit ex­pe­ri­ences that aren’t es­sen­tial. A job ap­pli­ca­tion, how­ever, is an­other story. If asked to list all pre­vi­ous em­ploy­ment, you should.

If you don’t in­clude this job on your re­sume, how will you ac­count for your time? Ten months in a med­i­cal of­fice is not in­con­se­quen­tial.

Even if you don’t list this job, you must find ways to de­scribe it that aren’t uni­formly neg­a­tive. If you could gen­er­al­ize this job as “a learn­ing ex­pe­ri­ence,” or say, “I stuck it out for 10 months but ul­ti­mately it was a bad fit,” it might help put a spin on a hor­ri­ble ex­pe­ri­ence.

Dear Amy: I like the ad­vice you gave to “Gay but not Happy.” In ad­di­tion to the re­source you men­tioned, I’d like to point your young reader to a cou­ple of ad­di­tional re­sources. One is the CDC’s LGBT Youth Re­sources page. The other is one that my LGBTQ friends highly rec­om­mend: the GLBT Na­tional Help Cen­ter, which of­fers a range of tools. — An Ally

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