Ask Amy

Dear Amy: I’m hav­ing a prob­lem get­ting a friend to live up to her agree­ment to split ex­penses on a re­cent trip.

The Denver Post - - FEATURES - By Amy Dick­in­son Con­tact Amy Dick­in­son via email,

She (friend, not “date,” as we are not ro­man­ti­cally in­volved in any way) was trav­el­ing on a va­ca­tion to my town in cen­tral Florida (not stay­ing with me, but with other friends of hers). But, since my brother re­cently moved to NYC, she wanted to fly into NYC (so she could stay cheaply) and wanted me to come north from Florida so we could spend a week and go sight­see­ing, and then we would fly to Florida to­gether.

I agreed to go to New York with the un­der­stand­ing that we’d split costs.

When we got back to my town in Florida and I asked her to pay for half of the park­ing fee for the air­port park­ing, my friend asked why she should have to “pay for [my] park­ing.”

This isn’t a cheap fee — it was $100, though cheaper than al­ter­na­tive air­port shut­tles/limos.

Am I cor­rect in ask­ing for the pay­ment since I would NOT have gone on this trip and, thus, not in­curred the park­ing fee, ex­cept that I agreed to go with her and then drive her home from the air­port? — Florida Fan

Dear Fan: I’m a bit on the fence here, but I don’t think you are owed a park­ing fee for your own car for a trip you wanted/chose to take. Granted, if your car hadn’t been there at the air­port, you both would have in­curred a trans­porta­tion fee to get to your fi­nal des­ti­na­tions, but you craftily im­ply that this air­port ride was (al­most) the sole pur­sheets, pose of you go­ing on this week-long va­ca­tion. (And yes, it was very nice of you.)

Ide­ally, your friend would have of­fered to com­pen­sate you for the one-way air­port trans­porta­tion you pro­vided (it can be quite ex­pen­sive) with­out you in­voic­ing her, but I don’t be­lieve she ac­tu­ally owes this to you.

Her ex­pense in get­ting to and from her home air­port and your ex­pense in get­ting to and from your home air­port are your own ex­penses to bear, at least in my opin­ion. Read­ers en­joy weigh­ing in on this sort of ques­tion, and I will run re­sponses in fu­ture col­umns.

Dear Amy: My fi­ance and I both have de­mand­ing jobs that re­quire us to work long hours. To help around the house, we hired a lovely woman to as­sist with clean­ing, laun­dry, etc. She does a good job and I trust her, so I want to keep her happy.

About a year ago she gave us a com­forter set with match­ing throw pil­lows for our bed. It was a kind, gen­er­ous gift, es­pe­cially con­sid­er­ing that she has a fam­ily to care for and is not of great means.

We’ve been us­ing the com­forter she gave us for about a year now. The is­sue is that I don’t par­tic­u­larly like the pat­tern, and I have a beau­ti­ful, down du­vet that I would pre­fer to be us­ing. We are also get­ting mar­ried soon and I re­ceived a lovely du­vet cover at my bri­dal shower (for which I had reg­is­tered).

Be­cause she changes our I need to tell her that I would pre­fer to be us­ing my down du­vet and the new cover, but I don’t want to pos­si­bly of­fend her.

How can I do this tact­fully? — Grate­ful

Dear Grate­ful: You have been us­ing this set for a year, and now that you are get­ting mar­ried and re­ceiv­ing gifts, it is time to add more se­lec­tions to your bed­ding ro­ta­tion.

Tell your cleaner, “We re­ceived an­other bed­ding set for a wed­ding gift, so we’re go­ing to start us­ing it. I’m go­ing to pack your gift to use for guests and other spe­cial oc­ca­sions. Thank you again for your gen­eros­ity — I’ll al­ways trea­sure this gift as our first nice bed­ding set as a cou­ple.” Make sure the set she gave you is cleaned prop­erly. Get a spe­cial bag to store these things in, la­bel it and store it re­spect­fully.

Dear Amy: My blood boiled when I read the let­ter from “Feel­ing the Creepi­ness,” the per­son who found it “creepy” that her neigh­bor vis­ited many el­derly peo­ple who had been for­mer neigh­bors and were now in nurs­ing homes.

The creep in this sce­nario is the per­son who finds this sort of be­hav­ior ab­nor­mal. Hooray for you for tak­ing her down a notch. — Not a Creep

Dear Not a Creep: The out­pour­ing from peo­ple who (like me) en­joy vis­it­ing el­derly or in­firm peo­ple is truly heart­warm­ing.

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