Sin­gle mom’s frus­tra­tions boil to sur­face

The Detroit News - - Weekend -

Dear Abby: About 20 months ago, af­ter I found out I was preg­nant, I was aban­doned by the father of my child. My mother had passed away a month be­fore. So I was griev­ing, shocked to dis­cover I was preg­nant and dev­as­tated when I was left for an­other woman. I went through my preg­nancy alone, gave birth alone and am now a sin­gle mother.

While my child and I are blessed — I have a good job, Momma left me some money that has helped me buy a home, and my friends are sup­port­ive — my heart is bro­ken.

My son’s father pays child sup­port, but his pri­or­ity is the woman he left us for. Ev­ery­one tells me I need to be the big­ger per­son, accept the sit­u­a­tion and give my son a chance to know his dad. I un­der­stand, but I am so an­gry. I feel re­jected and de­based. I cry all the time. I try to keep a pos­i­tive face for my son, but some­times I break down. My son’s father and his lady make fun of me and flaunt how happy they are to­gether while I am alone rais­ing my child. The woman en­joys point­ing out how hard I have it and how alone I am.

My son is my joy and I love him dearly, but why am I not al­lowed to be an­gry at his father and that woman? Why must I be the one who ac­cepts the hurt and dif­fi­culty, while my son’s father and his lady have their cake and eat it, too?

Hurt Momma In The East Dear Hurt Momma: While you have ev­ery right to be an­gry, has it oc­curred to you that you may not only be griev­ing for your mother, but pos­si­bly be suf­fer­ing from post­par­tum de­pres­sion as well? Dis­cuss this with your doc­tor and ask to have your hor­mone lev­els checked. It might also ben­e­fit you to join a grief sup­port group.

Your ex-boyfriend and his “lady” may ap­pear to have their cake and eat it, too, but it’s not true.

They have each other, and both of them ap­pear to be mis­er­able peo­ple. For the sake of your­self and your son, please stop al­low­ing them to make you mis­er­able, too. You have your beau­ti­ful child, and end­less pos­si­bil­i­ties lie ahead if you will open your­self to them. If nec­es­sary, find a li­censed therapist to help you let go of the neg­a­tive and get your pri­or­i­ties straight again. Once you succeed in do­ing this, you’ll be fine.


Jeanne Phillips

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