Nam­ing rights for “Toi­let Bowl”start in south­east BaltCo

The Dundalk Eagle - - NEWS - By Bill Gates

Re­mem­ber when we all used to get per­sonal emails? You know — emails from friends and fam­ily just to chat, send mes­sages, announceme­nts, etc.

Now — there’s not a sin­gle email in my in-box from some­one I know. Emails from Pin- ter­est, Best Buy, gam­ing web­sites I visit, this an­noy­ing site called “MyLife” that I vis­ited once lit­er­ally a decade ago and I can’t get them to stop send­ing me “sta­tus up­dates” to the point I’m think­ing of de­stroy­ing ev­ery elec­tronic de­vice I own and go­ing off the grid.

Can’t do that, though. How would I ac­cess my Steam and GOG ac­counts?

(Yes, I get it. Ev­ery­one moved to so­cial me­dia for their com­mu­ni­cat­ing. Or just use tex­ting.)

My work email is slightly worse. At least my home email isn’t in­un­dated with press re­leases.

Now, most press re­leases are valu­able. I do work for a news­pa­per, and press re­leases can lead to good sto­ries and im­por­tant news.

This does not in­clude the emails from, say, Con­gress­man

Chris Van Hol­land, whose of­fice sends me in­creas­ingly de­ranged-sound­ing emails ask­ing for money.

First of all, em­bers of the me­dia shouldn’t be con­tribut­ing to politi­cians. Even if I could, I wouldn’t be send­ing money to Van Hol­land.

“Pro­gres­sive Mary­land” isn’t get­ting any sup­port from me, ei­ther; no show­ing sup­port for po­lit­i­cal causes. Plus, I find them an­noy­ing.

But then there are the truly bizarre gems.

Case in Point: “Bidet Toi­let com­pany an­nounces bid for nam­ing rights to Buf­falo Bills sta­dium.”

It seems the com­pany whose name was on the Bills sta­dium has asked out. And a com­pany called “TUSHY” — a provider of bidet at­tach­ments for tra­di­tional toi­lets — has of­fered a bid of $12.5 mil­lion for nam­ing rights to the Bills’ sta­dium: “TUSHY Sta­dium.”

Sur­real, but not the part of the press re­lease which caught my in­ter­est.

If TUSHY were to have its bid ac­cepted, it states it will work to bring a col­lege bowl game to the sta­dium and host “the first-ever ‘Toi­let Bowl’.”

Nice try, folks. But it wouldn’t be the “first-ever” Toi­let Bowl. That honor be­longs here in south­east Bal­ti­more County.

Since the early 2000’s or so, there has been a “Toi­let Bowl” played held here, pit­ting teams from Dun­dalk against teams from Es­sex. The com­mu­nity which loses the game has to take own­er­ship of the Back River Sewage Treat­ment Plant for the next year.

Which is tech­ni­cally owned by Bal­ti­more City and thus be­longs to the city, but let’s not quib­ble.

The im­por­tant thing is, if TUSHY wants to host a “Toi­let Bowl,” it can pony up an­other cou­ple mil­lion to buy the name from us.

I fig­ure we dis­trib­ute the money be­tween all the re­cre­ation coun­cils in Dun­dalk and Es­sex, as well as the ath­letic de­part­ments at all six lo­cal high schools.

Okay, seven — we’ll throw some of the money Mount Carmel’s way.

I’d ad­vise TUSHY to get in touch with me as soon as pos­si­ble to start ne­go­ti­a­tions for the name. The price for “Toi­let Bowl” is only go­ing to get higher.

(Sure, in this vast coun­try of ours, it’s en­tirely pos­si­ble some other com­mu­nity has been hold­ing an an­nual “Toi­let Bowl” for some rea­son or an­other. But I seized this op­por­tu­nity first.)

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