Some helpful hints for the end of the world
I s the end of the world at hand?
“Yes!” according to some — and it’s coming sooner th an later. Specifi - cally, warn these prognosticators, it’s game over in less than two weeks, and as proof point to the end of the Mayan calendar on 1221- 12 and to the Chinese Book of Change.
Hogwash, I say, among other choice words.
Sure, my foundation recently was rattled when the Phillies- Eagles- Flyers seasons fell like dominoes; Sandy effortlessly removed siding from my house and Elmo was unmasked. And, OK, there’ve been those other attempts to solve the time puzzle, witness Bible predictions of the rapture and antichrist, and the writings of Nostradamus.
But, c’mon, I’m not falling for these apocalyptic forecasts. Not even following the latest doomsday declaration.
“The rnited States and other world governments are well aware of what is coming. They know they won’t be able to protect and assist everyone, so they have developed self- help materials and websites such as Ready. gov and FEMA. gov. These sites provide valuable information for short- term survival of isolated incidents such as earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes, but do not address the real dangers that await us,” says www. December212012. com, which describes itself as the official site for the final day.
I’m thinking the “danger that awaits us” is grounded in unfounded and irresponsible declarations like that one.
The site, however, defends itself.
“The purpose of this website is to assist and provide you with the necessary resources and information to help you prepare for and survive a long- term global disaster.” Balderdash! But just for fun, let’s say the paranoid doomsayers are right. How best to prepare? A few suggestions: Stock up. Obtain non- perishable food, as well as water, batteries and other justc a n ’ t - a n d - won’t - l i v e - without- it items. Freezedried food might be a good bet and a- one- year supply ( no sides or specialsF runs $ 1,995.95 for more than 270,000 total calories. Shipping is free from December212012. com. Light up. I know what you’re t hinking ( and shame on youF, but I’m t alki ng about power. Sandy r ecently r evealed how l ost we are without TV, computer, cell phone and game system, to say nothing about heat, r efrigeration and l i ght. ( For many, if f elt l i ke t he end of t he world when Sandy unplugged usF. In case t he f i nal day does t he same, you’ll need an alternate source of energy l i ke t hose gas- powered generators many hasti l y purchased f ollowing t he super storm. Turns out t hat purchase was a good one after all.
Party like there’s no tomorrow – because there might not be one.
Since the precise time of day the world ends on the 21st is unclear, I suggest a day- long affair - preferably in a place off the ground should flooding be involved with screens secure enough should swarming insects be the tactic. Have ample food and junk because this is no time to diet, and music like R. E. M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” and Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” And, of course, invite close friends and family.
“In those final moments, you may want to make up for any wrongs you have done to them. Also, you will likely be giving hugs and crying alongside all those present at your 2012 end- ofthe- world bash, so you’ll want to make sure that those are the people you are comfortable being yourself around,” suggests Erik Wesley of Yahoo! Contributing Network.
Should the apocalyptic alarm be real, then nice knowing you. Otherwise, see you next time.
Greg reached zon.net. Vellner can be at gvellner@veri-
WINNER ... Elizabeth Sweeney of Glenside took first place in the female division in the first “Freezer 5K & 1-Mile Fun Walk” Dec. 16, which took place along Horsham Township’s Power-line Trail. Almost 400 runners took part in the event.