Woman’s mar­riage dead­line may be work­ing against her

The Hazleton Standard-Speaker - - LIFESTYLES - Jeanne Phillips

D E A R A B B Y: I am a 27-year-old woman who can’t seem to find a man to call her own. Ev­ery time I search on web­sites or at gyms, I can’t find any­one de­cent who lives nearby.

I met some­one who took me to his house in Wis­con­sin for the hol­i­days, but I live in Illi­nois. Ever since I sle pt with him (on the fifth date), he has come here less of­ten — and when he does, it’s never just to see me. He also texts less of­ten than he did and has hinted that I should see other peo­ple here in town and keep him as a backup.

I’m des­per­ate to find some­one who will be there for me. I want to be mar­ried be­fore my 30th birth­day. I have tried ev­ery­thing, but all the de­cent men nowa­days are al­ready taken or not se­ri­ous about form­ing a re­la­tion­ship. Hope you can help. — CAN’T FIND A MAN

DEAR CAN’T: Your prob­lem may be your des­per­a­tion. When peo­ple are des­per­ate, their anx­i­ety can drive peo­ple away. The idea that you must be mar­ried by the time you are 30 is set­ting an ar­ti­fi­cial — and pos­si­bly un­re­al­is­tic — goal for your­self.

It may be time to stop look­ing and be­gin con­cen­trat­ing on build­ing a sat­is­fy­ing life for your­self without help from a part­ner. Once you ac­com­plish that, you may find that both men and women find you more at­trac­tive to be around. I can’t guar­an­tee that it will help you to find a hus­band, but even if you don’t, you will have a hap­pier life. Not ev­ery­one needs to be mar­ried.

DEAR ABBY: I have twin grand­sons. One is kind, man­nerly and thought­ful. The other is rude, un­grate­ful and has a chip on his shoul­der.

E ve r y C h r i s t m a s a n d birth­day, my hus­band and I are gen­er­ous with our gifts to them. One grand­son thanks us, while the other does not even ac­knowl­edge the gift. I no longer want to con­tinue giv­ing the rude twin gifts, but I don’t know if this is the way to deal with the prob­lem. They will be 18 on their next birth­day.

My daugh­ter has never cor­rected the prob­lem, and I know she will ac­cuse me of f avo r i n g the kind t win. What to do? — GRAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR GRAN: If it were me, I’d give the grate­ful twin gifts worth the usual amount of money and the un­grate­ful one a to­ken present. And when your daugh­ter ac­cuses you of fa­voritism, tell her she’s ab­so­lutely right and also why you no longer felt in­clined to shell out to some­one who didn’t think your g e n e ro s i t y w a s wo r t h ac­knowl­edg­ing. It’s the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I am 53 and con­stantly worry about the fu­ture. Be­cause my hus­band has had to change jobs for var­i­ous rea­sons, we have no money fund for re­tire­ment, and it isn’t of­fered at his cur­rent job. I wor ry so much about the fu­ture that it’s keep­ing me from en­joy­ing the present. How can I stop wor­ry­ing like this so I can en­joy the present? Talk­ing to a doc­tor is not an op­tion as money is very tight. — WOR­RY­ING TOO MUCH

DEAR WOR­RY­ING: You didn’t men­tion whether you are cur­rently em­ployed. If you aren’t, a way to fix your prob­lem might be to start think­ing about your own earn­ing ca­pac­ity and find a job so you can build a re­tire­ment fund. It’s never too late to start.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.