This Thanksgiving, just let the in-laws eat their pie
Dear Carolyn: My husband’s family is really academic, most are in school until their late 20s at least. My husband has a bachelor’s degree and I have some college but never inished. His family has always been welcoming and they aren’t snobby or anything— with the exception of Thanksgiving. My in-laws host andmake a great meal. My husband’s siblings are never asked to contribute because they are in inals and “don’t have the time or money” to bring anything. We are always asked to bring a dessert or something.
My husband thinks I’m overreacting and doesn’t care, but for some reason this really bugs me. How do I let it go? Or is it worth it to bring it up?
— Really Bugged
Oh goodness no. Please don’t. There are only two possibilities here. One is that the facevalue explanation is correct: The sibs are all broke and slammed with inals and you two are not broke and not slammed, so you are the only ones in a position to help.
You will ind out whether this is true, by the way, if and when the now-students inish their programs and are asked to bring pie. Or not.
The second is that your gut instinct is correct— that you’re being treated as an academically second-class citizen.
If the latter is true, then in theory it’s not defensible, but in practice it’s not only a bit of a stretch (“Let the unwashed bring us pie!”), but it’s also playing out as enjoying 364 days, arguably 365, of welcoming and unsnobby people for the cost of one pie.
It’s normal, even ine for our insecurities to raise their voices and drown out themore rational ones in our heads sometimes. We all just need to make sure we don’t slip and speak them out loud.
Dear Carolyn: Re: Pie?: Make the pie. Make it with a loving heart, freely and voluntarily. For all you know, the academics in the family can’t cook.
This answer is the answer to so many things: Make the pie.