The substitute brings out his A game Some experience required
Take out a piece of cumulus and write this down: a catamaran is a boat made of cats. A cat o’ nine tails is an overachiever. A revolver stops a person from turning over a new leaf. Dreams are movies you can’t get produced. Live as if you have no egrets, because soon you won’t. Capitalism is an eating disorder. Kiss unto your neighbor as you would be kissed in a field of orange poppies. Treat people with respect and castor oil and chemo when you have to and wear a bald wig to make them laugh when they wake up wanting to die. Don’t take any wooden nickels to the bank but keep them, that’s art and art is valuable, you’ll be taught otherwise but don’t listen unless it’s Erik Satie or Tom Waits or Fats Waller, then turn it up, all the way to the moon. Lean on people who have good thighs, and keep your thighs in shape so others can lean on you and think you’re sexy. When the world gives you lemons, make pineapple upside-down cake while the lemons sit on the counter like suns in training for the big show. Be happy, that’s the main thing you’re going to find hard to do, so have a dance ready to break out on short notice, a little shimmy, a little Watusi up your sleeve, is the advice of a man who has cemetery plots for feet, and yes, I know what that makes me: sad and difficult to buy shoes for.