Hus­band is a Face­book troll

The Mercury News Weekend - - A+E - AD­VICE Amy Dick­in­son Con­tact Amy Dick­in­son via email at askamy@

DEARAMY » I have been ac­tive on Face­book for sev­eral years.

I gen­er­ally use FB to keep in touch with friends I don’t get to see of­ten. I don’t get too per­sonal.

My hus­band has re­cently be­come much more ac­tive on Face­book. Af­ter leav­ing a cor­po­rate job last year and go­ing into busi­ness for him­self, I think he is feeling free to ex­press his opin­ions and “be him­self.”

This has in­cluded trolling friends’ po­lit­i­cal posts and call­ing strangers out — and not al­ways in a nice way

hile I agree with most of his po­lit­i­cal views, I think he comes off as a to­tal jerk.

He has also made some raunchy and in­ap­pro­pri­ate com­ments. I have called him out on­line and in per­son (“dude, ev­ery­body is read­ing this stuff!”), but he in­sists that he doesn’t care. He says, “It was a joke. It’s just Face­book,” but it all makes me re­ally un­com­fort­able.

I don’t want him to stop be­ing him­self; I just wish he would tone it down and con­sider how pub­lic his com­ments are.

I know that “un­friend­ing” him will only stir the pot, and not fix any­thing.

I’ve al­ways ap­pre­ci­ated his out­spo­ken man­ner, un­til now. How do I make him un­der­stand how this af­fects me? — UpsetWife

DEARUPSET » Your hus­band ei­ther doesn’t re­al­ize or doesn’t care that his be­hav­ior on Face­book can dam­age his re­la­tion­ships and his rep­u­ta­tion. Say­ing, “It’s only Face­book” is dis­count­ing the mega­phone’s role in a per­son’s of­fen­sive broad­casts. It is ex­tremely naive not to re­al­ize the power of this pub­lic bul­letin board, where posts, com­ments, pho­tos and memes can fol­low you around for­ever.

If your hus­band’s busi­ness re­lies on keep­ing clients happy, or get­ting new busi­ness, his ru­de­ness on FB will af­fect his bot­tom line.

Per­haps he was re­press­ing this be­fore, but now he is choos­ing to show you — and the rest of the world — who he is.

If I were you, I would def­i­nitely “un­friend” or hide his posts on FB. Then he would be faced with the pub­lic con­se­quences of his be­hav­ior, and you would be spared the temp­ta­tion to cor­rect him.

If your hus­band wants to be mar­ried to some­one who re­spects him, he should clean up his act.

DEARAMY » I’m sorry you are get­ting so much back­lash about your ridicu­lous stance about “cul­tural ap­pro­pri­a­tion” on Hal­loween, but it’s time for rea­son and logic to make a come­back.

I’m notMex­i­can, but if I want to wear a mari­achi cos­tume to work on Hal­loween, then I should! — Dis­turbed

DEARDISTURBED » Um no, you shouldn’t. One thing I’ve learned is that there are a lot of over­grown chil­dren out there who want to take this kids’ hol­i­day to the of­fice.

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