Dad is leaving his house to his wife

DEAR AMY: My father remarried 14 years ago. He married a Russian woman 15 years younger than he, and bought a house.

My father paid for this house. She can contribute very little, as she still cannot speak English and is not established in a career.

Recently, my father gave my brother and me our inheritance. He told us that he had signed over ownership of the house to his wife. The house is now worth three times more than it was when he purchased it. The advance inheritance he has given us amounts to a quarter of the value of the house, each.

Do I have grounds to be upset? He says he did it because she needs to be taken care of after he is gone.

But, Amy, why did he really do this? Upset Daughter

DEAR UPSET: Your father is leaving his wife a house, because he is trying to provide for the person he has been married to for 14 years, not to punish you.

Because of their age difference, he may assume that she will help take care of him in his later years, and that he will predecease her. Having the house will enable her to either live in it, or convert it to assets she can use to support herself later.

Many states have laws protecting a surviving spouse from being disinherited, so your father’s wife could claim up to half of the value of the house, regardless of your father’s will.

Children have no automatic right to inherit from their parents. It is not your family home. Unless there are circumstances you don’t mention, you should feel happy that your father has a devoted partner, accept your advance inheritance and move on.

DEAR AMY: My sister is getting married in June. She’s 16 years younger than me.

She isn’t having any attendants, she purchased her dress online and when I asked about hosting a shower for her, I was told she is only having one wedding shower, for her friends only. We’ve met the groom and he’s a great guy. We’re invited to a dinner the night before the wedding to meet his family.

I don’t understand this. I have tried to gently broach the subject, and was told they just want to do everything very “simply.”

I don’t think there is a problem between us. In fact, she told me I was the first person she called (after her mom), when they got engaged.

Do I just try to smile and attend the festivities we are invited to, or do I ask her what the heck is going on? Shunned Sister

DEAR SHUNNED: Your sister simply isn’t adhering to the many wedding traditions that you seem to value. You shouldn’t assume that this is personal. You should, however, say to your sister, “I want to make sure that everything is OK between us.”