Close friend fails to keep in con­tact

The News-Times - - ADVICE/GAMES - An­nie Lane

Dear An­nie: For al­most three years af­ter col­lege, I worked at a sci­ence camp in the nearby moun­tains year­round. I was work­ing with a group of five other coun­selors, and we be­came in­cred­i­bly close. Work­ing to­gether nine-plus hours a day with like-minded peo­ple who are sim­i­lar in age will do that. It was very fun do­ing what we all loved for so long, but in the past two months, most of us have de­cided to move on. Of the five of us — The Fab Five! — only one still works at the camp, “Joey.” The other four of us are all at dif­fer­ent, more clas­si­cally “adult” jobs.

Though we promised to stay in touch and be just as close, it’s not been hap­pen­ing that way. With dif­fer­ent sched­ules, com­mutes, re­la­tion­ship sta­tuses, etc., it’s much harder to be as present in one an­other’s lives. The four of us who left have met up a few times, but Joey al­ways has a rea­son she can’t make it. Though she says she is sad and misses us, she doesn’t of­fer up al­ter­na­tive dates or plans that would work for her. I don’t want to take it per­son­ally, but it’s hard not to think that she feels aban­doned or is pur­pose­fully not com­ing or is mad. I’m not sure how to ap­proach her about this. An­nie, do you have any rec­om­men­da­tions?

Coun­selor in Need of Coun­sel Dear Coun­selor: Take her at her word, and trust that if she val­ues the friend­ship as much as you do, she will even­tu­ally reach out. Some­times par­tic­u­lar friend­ships have an ebb and flow, and that’s OK. And some­times peo­ple grow up and apart, and that is OK, too.

Dear An­nie: Re­cently, you printed a let­ter from “Paulie,” who took is­sue with peo­ple say­ing “I apol­o­gize” rather than “I’m sorry.” You have pre­vi­ously rec­om­mended that peo­ple read “The 5 Love Lan­guages,” which is a great book. The author of that book has also writ­ten a book about the var­i­ous “lan­guages” of an apol­ogy, aptly ti­tled “The 5 Lan­guages of Apol­ogy.” It’s worth read­ing.

Salem, Ore., Reader

Dear Salem: Thank you so much for the read­ing rec­om­men­da­tion. I did not re­al­ize that Gary Chap­man (along with Jen­nifer Thomas) had writ­ten a book on the sub­ject of apol­o­giz­ing.

Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­nie@cre­ators.com. To find out more about An­nie Lane and read fea­tures by other Cre­ators Syn­di­cate colum­nists and car­toon­ists, visit the Cre­ators Syn­di­cate web­site at www.cre­ators.com.

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