Diamond ring comes between couple planning their marriage
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I love each other very much and have been living together with our children for five years. We intend to get married soon. Here is the rub: She’s “old school.” She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.
I would marry her tomorrow, but I don’t believe in spending thousands of dollars on a piece of carbon. I understand that somehow she equates her value/social status with the size of her wedding ring (“I deserve a nice ring”), but I don’t agree. I think the expense is unwarranted and, frank- ly, as the person paying for most of it, unfair.
She has offered to chip in and even buy one from a used wedding site, but I’d rather spend that money on something we could both enjoy or at least on something more practical that she can enjoy. I can find the money to buy the ring, but in my heart, I don’t see the value or buy into the fantasy the diamond industry has put into some women’s heads.
What do I do? Cave in and give her what she wants because I love her? Or push for a compromise, which will potentially spoil what is supposed to be a special thing in our lives?
DEAR HUNG UP: Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the future, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her your fantasy is that she’ll make a comparable down payment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.
DEAR ABBY: My father and his wife are retired and live across the country from us. Dad is hard of hearing and doesn’t like to use the phone. He also won’t text, so we mostly communicate by email.
The challenge is that he and his wife share an email account. She reads every message I send to Dad and often replies without telling him, so I’m never sure if he receives them or not. Also, if we’re discussing something sensitive – like finances or issues with my siblings – she’ll weigh in when it’s not really her business. In one case, she posted parts of our discussion on her social media!
I have talked to Dad about this. He says married couples don’t have secrets. I suspect he may not want his wife to be able to communicate pri-
DEAR DAUGHTER: I’m sorry I can’t wave a magic wand and change your father. What’s going on should not be blamed on his wife. Because he has made plain to you he sees no reason for privacy and wants her to be privy to your conversations, saving up those private chats until they are “in person” is exactly what you are going to have to do.
DEAR VETERANS: I salute your service to our country. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on active duty. You personify patriotism and self-sacrifice. I also would like to acknowledge your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made and continue to make every day. – Love, Abby
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com