Friend with dual personas has host wondering whom to invite
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I address an invitation to any individual who has dual personas? As we frequently host rather large social events, I am always striving to set an example for proper protocol.
We have several friends who are gender-fluid. One in particular is very well-known in the local community, news media and political arena as both a male and a female, with different names for each persona.
I would like to know how to extend an invitation to someone in this situation without dictating which “version” of them I would like to appear at our event.
I’m basically expecting the invitee to decide who to be and what to wear. Should we send two separate invitations to the same address, each with the appropriate name? Or one invitation with both names (which looks like we are inviting a couple)? Or simply decide which persona we want to appear at our event, and address the invitation to only one?
I prefer to pass the buck, and offer the freedom of selfdetermination to the invitee, but am unsure how to do so.
GENTLE READER: Issue one invitation and address it using the conjunction “or” between the two names. That way your guest is free to decide which persona will be attending.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife is totally disabled and requires 24-hour care. Fortunately, I have the means to provide her with a team of caregivers who look after her in our own home.
The employees are all young women, and I generally allow them to dress however they choose.
One of them is particularly striking in appearance and very well-endowed. The concern is that she often wears clothing that is a little too revealing.
Although I’m old enough to be her grandfather, and totally loyal to my wife, some of her clothing choices still make me uncomfortable.
How can I gently ask her to dress more modestly without embarrassing her or coming across as a dirty old man?
GENTLE READER: Of course, you are not supposed to notice her appearance or what she is wearing.
But requiring proper dress is within the reasonable jurisdiction of the employer, especially, Miss Manners would assume, in health care.
If there is a third-party employer, like an agency or hospital that might be better equipped to address the situation, go there first. But if you are the direct employer, you may say, “I wonder if it might be better for the team to wear caregiver attire. That way, we won’t worry about your ruining your dressy clothes with our mess.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail. com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)