Bride ac­cuses mom of us­ing wed­ding to spot­light her­self

The Sentinel-Record - - LIFESTYLES - Abi­gail Van Buren Copy­right 2018, Uni­ver­sal Press Syn­di­cate Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at http://www.Dear­Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Ang

DEAR ABBY: Once I an­nounced my en­gage­ment, my al­ready thin, fit mother went on a diet and lost 20 pounds. My weight has al­ways been an is­sue with her, and I can’t be­lieve she would draw at­ten­tion to it in this way.

She called me a bridezilla be­cause I told her I think she’s try­ing to show­boat my wed­ding be­cause she’s the one with the in­se­cu­rity is­sues. I would have been happy to elope, but she in­sisted on this big wed­ding to show off to her friends and “re­coup the gifts she gave to their kids.”

How do we get through the next six months and keep our al­ready frag­ile re­la­tion­ship in­tact? — DAUGH­TER OF MOMZILLA

DEAR DAUGH­TER: Wed­dings are sup­posed to be about the happy cou­ple, not a means for a third party to “re­coup” gifts she gave to her friends’ chil­dren. If you feel you would be hap­pier elop­ing rather than be mis­er­able “go­ing on with the show,” that’s what you and your fi­ance should do. How­ever, if you do de­cide to go through with the wed­ding, you and your mother should agree there will be no fur­ther dis­cus­sion about weight — hers or yours. Pe­riod.

DEAR ABBY: I came into work Mon­day morn­ing to the news that one of my co-work­ers had passed away the day be­fore from a mas­sive heart at­tack. I was shocked and sad­dened. I was also ap­palled that my em­ployer posted her death on Face­book less than 24 hours later.

I don’t feel that this is an ap­pro­pri­ate fo­rum to an­nounce a death, and I also don’t think it was my em­ployer’s re­spon­si­bil­ity to no­tify the world. In my opin­ion, the fam­ily should no­tify the pub­lic if they choose. Are there any rules of eti­quette re­gard­ing so­cial me­dia and an­nounc­ing a co-worker’s death? — SAD NEWS IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA

DEAR SAD NEWS: Of course it is the prerog­a­tive of fam­ily mem­bers to post that kind of news. Ide­ally, your em­ployer should have waited an ex­tra day or two to al­low the fam­ily

Date­book to get the word out. How­ever, un­less a fam­ily mem­ber com­plained to you about what your em­ployer did, you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

While you have ex­pe­ri­enced a shock­ing loss, your boss has, too, par­tic­u­larly if the em­ployee was a long­time one. That he/she shared it on so­cial me­dia isn’t sur­pris­ing these days, con­sid­er­ing how much in­for­ma­tion is be­ing posted on­line, nor was it a breach of eti­quette.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend nearly 19 years, and we both agree that we don’t want mar­riage. I just found out that for the last nine months he has been see­ing some­one else on his lunch break.

He says he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but he loves her, too, and she is his friend. He said he would stop the af­fair, but be­cause she’s his friend, he won’t stop tex­ting and see­ing her “as a friend.”

Should I trust what he is say­ing? We don’t have kids to­gether, but we raised his two and my one to­gether as our own. — SILENT PAIN

DEAR PAIN: Should you trust that your boyfriend won’t re­sume the af­fair with his “friend” — or that he has stopped it? I don’t think so. Al­though the two of you aren’t for­mally mar­ried, you have had an un­der­stand­ing that lasted al­most 19 years, and he has breached it. You now must de­cide whether you want to be part of a “three­some,” and for that, you have my sym­pa­thy.

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