Big ring comes be­tween cou­ple

The Sun Herald (Sunday) - - Television -

DEAR ABBY: My girl­friend and I love each other very much and have been liv­ing to­gether with our chil­dren for five years. We in­tend to get mar­ried soon. Here is the rub: She’s “old school.” She be­lieves she should re­ceive a di­a­mond ring as part of the mar­riage pro­posal.

I would marry her to­mor­row, but I don’t be­lieve in spend­ing thou­sands of dol­lars on a piece of car­bon. I un­der­stand that some­how she equates her value/so­cial sta­tus with the size of her wed­ding ring (“I de­serve a nice ring”), but I don’t agree. I think the ex­pense is un­war­ranted and, quite frankly, as the per­son pay­ing for most of it, un­fair.

She has of­fered to chip in and even buy one from a used wed­ding site, but I’d rather spend that money on some­thing we could both en­joy or at least on some­thing more prac­ti­cal that she can en­joy. I can find the money to buy the ring, but in my heart, I don’t see the value or buy into the fan­tasy the di­a­mond in­dus­try has put into some women’s heads.

What do I do? Cave in and give her what she wants be­cause I love her? Or push for a com­pro­mise, which will def­i­nitely be an up­hill bat­tle and po­ten­tially spoil what is sup­posed to be a spe­cial thing in our lives? — Hung Up on the Ring in Reno

DEAR HUNG UP: Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the fu­ture, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her YOUR fan­tasy is that she’ll make a com­pa­ra­ble down pay­ment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.

DEAR VET­ER­ANS: My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on ac­tive duty, some of whom are in harm’s way. I also would like to ac­knowl­edge your fam­i­lies for the sac­ri­fices they, too, have made and con­tinue to make every day. — Love, Abby

JEANNE PHILLIPS

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