Sin­gle mom’s frus­tra­tions af­fect her hap­pi­ness

The Trentonian (Trenton, NJ) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY » About 20 months ago, after I found out I was preg­nant, I was aban­doned by the fa­ther of my child. My mother had passed away a month be­fore. So I was griev­ing, shocked to dis­cover I was preg­nant and dev­as­tated when I was left for an­other woman. I went through my preg­nancy alone, gave birth alone and am now a sin­gle mother.

While my child and I are blessed — I have a good job, Momma left me some money that has helped me buy a home, and my friends are sup­port­ive — my heart is bro­ken.

My son’s fa­ther pays child sup­port, but his pri­or­ity is the woman he left us for. Ev­ery­one tells me I need to be the big­ger per­son, ac­cept the sit­u­a­tion and give my son a chance to know his fa­ther. I un­der­stand all of that, but I am so an­gry. I feel re­jected and de­based. I cry all the time. I try to keep a pos­i­tive face for my son, but some­times I break down. My son’s fa­ther and his lady make fun of me and flaunt how happy they are to­gether while I am alone rais­ing my child. The woman en­joys point­ing out how hard I have it and how alone I am.

My son is my joy and I love him dearly, but why am I not al­lowed to be an­gry at his fa­ther and that woman? Why must I be the one who ac­cepts the hurt and dif­fi­culty, while my son’s fa­ther and his lady have their cake and eat it, too? I would re­ally ap­pre­ci­ate your thoughts.

— Hurt momma in the East

DEAR HURT MOMMA » While you have ev­ery right to be an­gry, has it oc­curred to you that you may not only be griev­ing for your mother, but pos­si­bly be suf­fer­ing from post­par­tum de­pres­sion as well? Dis­cuss this with your doc­tor and ask to have your hor­mone lev­els checked. It might also ben­e­fit you to join a grief sup­port group.

Your ex-boyfriend and his “lady” may ap­pear to have their cake and eat it, too, but it’s not true. They have each other, and both of them ap­pear to be mis­er­able people. For the sake of your­self and your son, please stop al­low­ing them to make you mis­er­able, too. You have your beau­ti­ful child, and end­less pos­si­bil­i­ties lie ahead if you will open your­self to them. If nec­es­sary, find a li­censed ther­a­pist to help you let go of the neg­a­tive and get your pri­or­i­ties straight again. Once you suc­ceed in do­ing this, you’ll be fine.

DEAR ABBY » We used to dis­play a wide va­ri­ety of fam­ily pic­tures on our liv­ing room walls. Be­fore re­paint­ing, we took them down. Be­cause some of them in­clude our chil­dren’s for­mer and cur­rent re­la­tion­ships, we can’t de­cide which ones we can com­fort­ably “re­dis­play” with­out of­fend­ing any­body.

We have re­mained on good terms with for­mer in­laws and the chil­dren from prior re­la­tion­ships, but the “new” and the “old” never speak of each other, much less en­joy see­ing pic­to­rial re­minders hang­ing in our home. Some of our grand­chil­dren are blood rel­a­tives; oth­ers are not. Our chil­dren have moved on to other re­la­tion­ships. This is OUR home, but we don’t want to of­fend any of the people we wel­come into it. Any advice?

— Picturing it in Ari­zona

DEAR PICTURING IT » You are a sweet and sen­si­tive per­son. Talk to your chil­dren. Ask how they and their chil­dren would feel if you “edit” the col­lec­tion, and which ones they would pre­fer you re­tire. And be sure to of­fer the out­takes to them rather than toss them.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her fa­vorite recipes in two book­lets: “Abby’s Fa­vorite Recipes” and “More Fa­vorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cook­book­let Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054 0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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