THE RIGHT’S NEW CON­STI­TU­TION

in or­der to form a more God-Fear­ing Union, es­tab­lish Jus­tice as we see it, De­feat Health-Care Re­form, and Pre­serve and Pro­tect our Prop­erty, our Guns and our Right Not to Pay Taxes, do or­dain and es­tab­lish this Con­ser­va­tive Con­sti­tu­tion for the United Sta

The Washington Post Sunday - - FRONT PAGE - David Cole teaches con­sti­tu­tional law at Ge­orge­town Uni­ver­sity and is the le­gal af­fairs cor­re­spon­dent for the Nation. He is the author of “The Tor­ture Memos: Ra­tio­nal­iz­ing the Un­think­able.”

Congress shall have only the pow­ers lit­er­ally, specif­i­cally and ex­pressly granted herein, and no oth­ers. That means def­i­nitely, ab­so­lutely, no reg­u­la­tion of the Health In­surance or Fi­nan­cial Ser­vices in­dus­tries.

The Se­nate of the United States shall be com­posed of two Sen­a­tors from each State, elected not di­rectly by the Peo­ple, but by other peo­ple whom the Peo­ple have elected to bet­ter rep­re­sent the Peo­ple.

Any law en­acted by Congress and signed by the Pres­i­dent may be over­turned by the vote of three or more States if they find it of­fen­sive, an­noy­ing or in any way touch­ing on Health

No per­son ex­cept a nat­u­ral born Cit­i­zen who can pro­duce video or pho­to­graphic ev­i­dence of birth in a non-is­land Amer­i­can State shall be el­i­gi­ble to the Of­fice of Pres­i­dent.

The Pres­i­dent shall faith­fully ex­e­cute the

Judges shall strictly con­strue this Con­sti­tu­tion, and we mean strictly, and shall un­der no cir­cum­stances cite, re­fer to, read or men­tion at a party any prin­ci­ple or pro­vi­sion of

1 Congress shall make no law abridg­ing the Free­dom of Speech, ex­cept where cit­i­zens des­e­crate the Flag of the United States; re­spect­ing an es­tab­lish­ment of Re­li­gion, ex­cept to sup­port Chris­tian schools, re­li­gious ap­pari­tions in food prod­ucts and the dis­play of crosses in pub­lic places; or abridg­ing the free ex­er­cise of Re­li­gion, ex­cept to block the con­struc­tion of mosques in sen­si­tive ar­eas as de­ter­mined by Florida Pas­tors or Fox News.

2 The right to bear AK-47s or Bazookas shall not be in­fringed by back­ground checks, safety locks, age lim­its or com­mon sense.

3 The right of Cor­po­ra­tions, Hedge Funds, Busi­ness Lead­ers and Lob­by­ists to spend end­less cash on cam­paigns and in­flu­ence-pur­chas­ing shall not be in­fringed. The right of Unions to as­so­ci­ate shall be de­nied as un-Amer­i­can and con­trary to the agenda of the Cham­ber of Com­merce.

4 Mar­riage and the ben­e­fits thereof shall be re­stricted to the Union of a Man and a Woman, con­se­crated in a Chris­tian house of wor­ship, with vows to ex­pose any progeny to daily view­ings of Bill O’Reilly.

5 All per­sons born in the United States are Cit­i­zens of the United States only if their par­ents, grand­par­ents and great-grand­par­ents In­surance, Prop­erty Rights or Guns.

Congress shall have no power to raise Taxes ex­cept on Fe­bru­ary 29, and then only if all the Peo­ple ap­prove such a mea­sure unan­i­mously, in writ­ing and in English.

Congress shall bal­ance the Fed­eral Bud­get, prefer­ably by elim­i­nat­ing the De­part­ments of La­bor, En­ergy, Ed­u­ca­tion and State.

The pre­ced­ing pro­vi­sion shall not ap­ply to spend­ing for the Depart­ment of De­fense, ap­pro­pri­a­tions for which shall in­crease three times as quickly as the growth in gross do­mes­tic prod­uct and upon the ap­proval of House lead­er­ship in con­fer­ence with Boe­ing, Hal­libur­ton and the Ashcroft Group.

Ari­zona shall have the power to reg­u­late Im­mi­gra­tion. laws, ex­cept when, as Com­man­der in Chief, he de­cides he’d re­ally rather not.

The Pres­i­dent shall not ne­go­ti­ate any Treaty with­out first re­ceiv­ing a signed note grant­ing him per­mis­sion, ex­e­cuted by ev­ery mem­ber of the Se­nate and the House, all 50 Gov­er­nors, and the ed­i­to­rial board of the Weekly Stan­dard. In­ter­na­tional Law.

Sus­pected Ter­ror­ists shall be taken to Guan­tanamo and drawn and quar­tered in a pub­lic cer­e­mony. Tri­als are op­tional, but if they oc­cur, must be con­ducted in a Mil­i­tary Tri­bunal in which co­erced state­ments are ad­mis­si­ble so long as they sup­port a Guilty ver­dict. were Cit­i­zens, and only if they pledge op­po­si­tion to Health In­surance Re­form or New Tax­a­tion. Any Cit­i­zen con­victed of pro­vid­ing ma­te­rial sup­port to Ter­ror­ist or­ga­ni­za­tions or dis­play­ing Nancy Pelosi bumper stick­ers shall be stripped of Cit­i­zen­ship.

6 Aliens, of this world or an­other, shall have none of the rights guar­an­teed herein to Cit­i­zens.

7 Cor­po­ra­tions shall have all of the rights guar­an­teed herein to Cit­i­zens, and then some.

8 No White Male shall be de­nied equal pro­tec­tion of the law through Af­fir­ma­tive Ac­tion. In keep­ing with the in­tent of the Framers, as dis­cerned by the Hon­or­able Jus­tice An­tonin Scalia, dis­tinc­tions on the ba­sis of sex shall not be deemed to deny equal pro­tec­tion.

9 The right to make other peo­ple pay the costs of one’s Health Care shall not be in­fringed un­der any cir­cum­stances.

10 Congress shall make no law lim­it­ing Amer­i­cans’ right to warm the Planet by us­ing all the en­ergy they darn well please.

11 The Un­born shall have the rights to life, to vote, to bear arms, to prac­tice Re­li­gion ex­cept in a Lower Man­hat­tan mosque (see First Amend­ment) and to make cam­paign con­tri­bu­tions. Once the child is born, it shall have no rights if it is an Alien (see Sixth Amend­ment).

12 No one may be re­quired to do any­thing He or She does not want to do. Done by the Unan­i­mous Con­sent of the Mem­bers present the Sixth Day of Jan­uary in the Year of our Lord Two Thou­sand and Eleven. In wit­ness whereof We have here­unto sub­scribed our names, [REDACTED]

in or­der to form a more God-Fear­ing Union, es­tab­lish Jus­tice

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