The man of her dreams ... except for one little thing.
everything I’ve always wanted, but who never actually makes that gesture, sounds like a nightmare to me.
Admit your unhappiness, then see how far he’s willing to go to address it. Your best future is the one you choose from there. Your choices: agony now, or torture Hi as far Carolyn as the eye can see.
My best friend recently confided that he’s thinking of proposing to his girlfriend. They’ve been dating only about eight months and she is his first girlfriend. I’ma littleworried here!
I seem to remember you saying that approximately two years should give somebody enough information about their partner to make a decision. I tend to agree, butmy friend sees another whole year of dating as a “waste of time.” Any strategies for making the case to him to collect some more data?
I’d rather make the case for your butting out. Maybe his proposal is premature, but maybe it isn’t— and, even if it is, it’s his mistake to make.
That said, “Frustrated,” above, makes a stellar first-person argument for waiting till novelty yields to familiarity— thus the “ two years” advice. Read the whole transcript or join the discussion live at noon Fridays at
I’mengaged to the man ofmy dreams. He’s gorgeous, really brilliant, lovesmy family, and lovesme unconditionally. I knowyou’rewaiting for it, and here it is ... HOWEVER, he is not intimate. He loves cuddling, snuggling and holdingmy hand, but he doesn’t ever get in the mood to have sex. When I ask him about it, he says he’s tired or not in the mood. He is taking antidepressants for his anxiety, but only recently. This predicament has been going on for 21/ years; the first six months of our
2 relationshipwere sex-filled and great.
I’ve tried many times to get him revved up, but he’s just not into it. It’s not like I’m unattractive, either! Before I met him, my favorite thingwas making out. NowI never seem to make out with anything more than a quick peck from him. Even whenwe shower together hewants out as fast as possible. It’s like he doesn’t even see me.
We are on the same pagewhen it comes to our opinions, money, likes/dislikes ... we always are thinking the same thing. But when it comes to being intimate, it’s just not there. Iwant to marry him, but I don’t want to be that “once a year” kind of couple. Is it me? Help!
It’s not you, it’s your fiance— but if/when you marry him without resolving this, then it’s on you. Completely.
You feel bad, you have identified the source of the problem, and you have tried various solutions. 1-2-3. If you haven’t moved to 4 by plainly stating, “I can’t marry someone who doesn’t touch me the way I want to be touched,” then you’re doing yourself a life-size disservice. Him, too. No one (no one healthy, that is) wants a frustrated spouse.
So, if you’re having trouble forming the words in his presence, then try adopting this as your silent mantra: “He is the man ofmy nightmares.” I can’t speak for you, obviously, but to go through life alongside someone who is perpetually one gesture away from giving me
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