Week 1047: Bank shots

The Washington Post Sunday - - SUNDAY STYLE -

Big jump for D.C. kids on na­tional test

(The Wash­ing­ton Post, Nov. 8)

School board hires Evel Knievel to coach 8th-graders

NYC age to buy to­bacco high­ered

(The Univer­sity Daily Kansan, Nov. 5)

Will stu­dent ed­i­tor be fighered?

It’s our peren­nial con­test that we used to call “Mess With Our Heads.” But this year we’d add: “Or Any­one Else’s.” Now that most out-of-town In­vite buffs aren’t able to surf all over wash­ing­ton­post. com with­out a paid sub­scrip­tion just to be able to give us free jokes, the Em­press has de­cided to broaden the pool: This week: Quote a head­line ap­pear­ing in The Wash­ing­ton Post, wash­ing­ton­post.com or another pub­li­ca­tion, print or online, dated Nov. 14 to Nov. 25, and sup­ply a hu­mor­ous “bank” head­line that ei­ther mis­in­ter­prets it, as in the ex­am­ple at left, or com­ments wryly on it, as in the one above. For a non-Post head­line, you’ll have to in­clude a link to a Web ad­dress where I can ver­ify it, or, if it’s in print, a scanned copy. For a head in the print Post, in­clude the date and page num­ber. You may omit the be­gin­ning or end of the head if that doesn’t change its point sub­stan­tially. What we’re count­ing as a head­line: (a) the main head­ing above the text of an ar­ti­cle or ad; (b) the bank head un­der a head­line; (c) a “jump” head on the sec­ond page of an ar­ti­cle; (d) a sub­head within an ar­ti­cle; (e) a head­linestyle link from a home page to an ar­ti­cle (you’re on the honor sys­tem for those, be­cause there’s no link to give). Don’t cap­i­tal­ize a word that’s low­er­case in the head­line to turn it into a name.

Win­ner gets the Inkin’ Me­mo­rial, the Lin­coln statue bob­ble­head that is the of­fi­cial Style In­vi­ta­tional tro­phy. Sec­ond place re­ceives some­thing very cool: an old edi­tion of the 1830 English novel “Paul Clif­ford,” which no­body knows but whose open­ing line ev­ery­one knows: “It was a dark and stormy night.” Its au­thor, Ed­ward Bul­wer-Lyt­ton, has achieved im­mor­tal­ity with the an­nual name­sake con­test for bad open­ings to a novel. Do­nated by in­ter­mit­tent Loser Larry Pry­luck.

Other run­ners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ar­dently de­sired Grossery Bag. Hon­or­able men­tions get a lusted-af­ter Loser mag­net. First Of­fend­ers re­ceive a smelly tree­shaped air “fresh­ener” ( FirStink for their first ink). E-mail en­tries to losers@wash­post.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Dead­line is Mon­day, Nov. 25; re­sults pub­lished Dec. 15 (online Dec. 12). No more than 25 en­tries per en­trant per week. In­clude “Week 1047” in your e-mail sub­ject line or it might be ig­nored as spam. In­clude your real name, postal ad­dress and phone num­ber with your en­try. See con­test rules and guide­lines at wapo.st/in­viterules. The sub­head for this week’s hon­or­able men­tions is by Bev­er­ley Sharp. Join the lively Style In­vi­ta­tional Devo­tees group on Face­book at on.fb.me/in­vdev, and click “like” on Style In­vi­ta­tional Ink of the Day at bit.ly/inkof­day. The “fighered” joke was made in a com­ment by Ed By­ers on Jim Rome­nesko’s Face­book page.


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