Pen and ick: hon­or­able men­tions

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS -


“I said, ‘Make a PROFIT, Muham­mad.’ ” (John Bur­ton, Hern­don, who last got In­vite ink in 2002)

It is a lit­tle-known fact that Nor­man Rock­well omit­ted his hipster mus­tache and “flat­tened ap­ple” hat from his self-por­trait. (Todd De­Lap, Fair­fax)

“Sig­no­rina Mona Lisa! I said, ‘Show me your TEETH!’ ” (Rob Wolf, Gaithers­burg)

“No, no, no! Do not wipe off the num­bers un­til I say so.” (Sylvia Betts, Van­cou­ver, B.C.)

On school por­trait day, it was so noisy that Vin­cent cut off the other ear, too. (Robyn Carlson, Keyser, W.Va.)

“You know, Mr. Weiner, you could just buy a new cell­phone.” (An­drew Hoenig, Rockville)

Sadly, new­comer Juan picked the wrong day to set up his street easel in Pam­plona. (Jeff Brech­lin, Ea­gan, Minn.)

“No, no, the re-cre­ation of ‘The Last Supper’ should NOT in­volve pizza!” (Rick Haynes, Boyn­ton Beach, Fla.)

“Mother! Put your dress back on!” shouted Whistler in alarm. (Dud­ley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Far from feel­ing hand­i­capped, the artist was able to take ad­van­tage of his se­vere sco­l­io­sis. (Jeff Con­tom­pa­sis, Ashburn)

The Supreme Court de­cides to ban body cam­eras, but will al­low po­lice bru­tal­ity to be recorded by sketch artists. (Danny Brav­man, Chicago)


John sure did get tired of peo­ple pro­nounc­ing his name with a hash­tag in­stead of a num­ber sign. (Danielle Nowlin)

Rep. Gohmert vowed to find the per­son who con­verted his name­plates to Wingdings font. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

“Let’s just say my in­ter­view at Hall­mark wasn’t at all what I ex­pected.” (Bren­dan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

Wil­lis made the mis­take of or­der­ing a lap­top desk. (Ralph Nitkin, Rockville)

“That’s my name, don’t swear it out.” (Art Gri­nath, Takoma Park)

“That’s my full name, but most peo­ple call me %.” (Art Gri­nath)

Af­ter the messy split, the “Sesame Street” lawyers for­bade Bert to use letters or num­bers. (Mike Gips, Bethesda)

Even­tu­ally, Pres­i­dent Tru­man got tired of peo­ple ask­ing what the S stood for. (Todd De­Lap)


A typo dur­ing the re­search phase led to the de­vel­op­ment of the hov­er­broad. (Jeff Con­tom­pa­sis; David Fried­man, Ar­ling­ton)

The Betty White Macy’s Thanks­giv­ing bal­loon nears com­ple­tion. (Rob Huffman, Fred­er­icks­burg)

You can’t go wrong wear­ing plaid dur­ing the fall. (Tom Witte, Mont­gomery Vil­lage)

The In­vis­i­ble Man car­ries his bride across the thresh­old. (Bird War­ing, Larch­mont, N.Y.)

Con­tin­u­ing its clue­less at­tempts to outdo Google, Bing pro­duces a car­less driver. (Ward Kay, Vi­enna, Va.)

Each morn­ing Doris rises promptly at 6. (Frank Osen)

Few peo­ple re­mem­ber Bar­bara Bush’s short-lived ca­reer as a trapeze artist. (An­drew Hoenig)

In her later years, Won­der Woman would fly her plane with the left blinker on. (Ward Kay)

Pene­lope finds life much eas­ier now that she’s up­loaded her­self to the cloud. (Frank Osen)

“Quick, slip the pi­ano back be­fore she no­tices.” (Nan­nette Mel­nick, Sil­ver Spring, a First Of­fender)

Lucy in the sky with skirt. (Tom Witte)


Few peo­ple knew that Hitler’s mus­tache was a wig. (Wil­liam Ken­nard, Ar­ling­ton)

Oliver Hardy died long be­fore the in­ven­tion of the selfie stick. (Rob Pi­varnik, Stratford, Conn.)

On va­ca­tion in Hawaii, Bob re­al­ized

that he was too heavy for both the grass skirt and the surf­board. (Robyn Carlson)

Adolf loves the re­sult of his wet-ce­ment face-plant. (Craig Matthiessen, Burke, a First Of­fender)

Grace Jones’s first selfie was up­side down and off cen­ter. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

The boob tas­sel needs to hang a lit­tle lower if you want it to cover the ap­pen­dec­tomy scar. (Mark Raffman, Re­ston)

Satan grows bangs. (Bird War­ing)

Un­sur­pris­ingly, the com­bi­na­tion horse­shoe/tooth­brush was not a big seller. (Larry McCle­mons, An­nan­dale)

Us­ing your York­shire ter­rier as a guest towel should prob­a­bly be a last re­sort. (Jeff Shirley)

Fade-off Hitler. (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

Still run­ning — dead­line Mon­day night: Our con­test for po­ems us­ing spell­ing bee words. See­vite1129.

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