It’s as easy as 1-b-iii: Week 1139, Losers’ choice

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS - BY PAT MY­ERS

In Week 1139, we let you con­struct your own con­test from a mix-and­match menu of four for­mats, four sub­jects and four lim­i­ta­tions — 64 po­ten­tial com­bi­na­tions in all. One for­mat was a song par­ody, and as al­ways, we re­ceived too many ex­cel­lent ones to in­clude here. So we’re shar­ing more of them in the online ver­sion of the In­vite (at in­vite1143), com­plete with links to the tunes. One, by Loser Mae Scanlan to “Young at Heart,” has the sin­gle best line in the con­test: “He is cun­ningly shrewd, and he’s stun­ningly crude”; it refers to you have one guess. (Sec­ond-best sin­gle line, same topic: Dave Sil­ber­stein par­o­died “Ev­ery­one’s Gone to the Moon” to “Ev­ery­one’s Drawn to the Loon.”)

4th place For­mat: song par­ody; sub­ject: a fad that is SO over; lim­i­ta­tion: must con­tain a word and its ana­gram (here, “on” and “no”; okay, not

much of an ana­gram . . .) (to the cho­rus of “MacArthur Park”) The cup­cake store has closed on Third and Park — No more trea­cly ic­ing flow­ing now, The craze for high-priced baked goods on the wane. Now I’ll just have to toughen Up and eat an oat bran muf­fin, But per­haps I’ll get my pants to fit again.

(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) 3rd place For­mat: song par­ody; sub­ject: footwear; lim­i­ta­tions: must in­clude all 26 letters of the al­pha­bet. (To “Food, Glo­ri­ous Food”) Shoes, glo­ri­ous shoes! Our trendi­est ton­ics. For nix­ing the blues, just slip on some Blah­niks! Life feel like a garbage can? Don’t mope with the kvetch­ers. Ease into some Louboutins or – some – Skech­ers! Choose glo­ri­ous Choos, Uggs, Magli or Mad­den. Prime Prada in twos no girl can look bad in. Wine Weitz­mans or mint McQueens, no way you can lose! With Shoes – Michael Kors! Shoes – Saint Lau­rent! Shoes – Ken­neth Cole! Shoes – L Vuit­ton! Shoes – Burberry! Shoes . . . glo­ri­ous shoes!

(Nan Reiner, Alexandria) 2nd place and the mix-and-match game Dr. Lakra’s Mu­tant Lab­o­ra­tory: For­mat: rid­dle; sub­ject: Trump cam­paign; lim­i­ta­tion: must be short enough to tweet: Q. What did Trump tell Obama sup­port­ers to win them over? A. Or­ange is the new black.

(Steve Hon­ley, Washington) And the win­ner of the Inkin’ Me­mo­rial For­mat: song par­ody; sub­ject: Trump cam­paign; lim­i­ta­tion: must con­tain a word and its ana­gram (limes/smile): ( To “Be Our Guest”) He’s ob­sessed! He’s ob­sessed! “Build a wall,” he says. “No jest! There’s dis­or­der at the bor­der And I know what’s for the best!” “They do rapes! They do crimes! They drink beer with sliced-up limes! And their cul­ture’s un­de­sired! Don’t be­lieve me? Then you’re fired!” “It’s a sport to de­port The bur­rito-eat­ing sort; If they’re born here, send them back with all the rest!” Do peo­ple think he’s vile? (Dems cast a know­ing smile) ’Cause he’s ob­sessed! He’s ob­sessed! He’s ob­sessed!

(Mark Raffman, Re­ston)


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