It’s as easy as 1-b-iii: Week 1139, Losers’ choice
In Week 1139, we let you construct your own contest from a mix-andmatch menu of four formats, four subjects and four limitations — 64 potential combinations in all. One format was a song parody, and as always, we received too many excellent ones to include here. So we’re sharing more of them in the online version of the Invite (at bit.ly/ invite1143), complete with links to the tunes. One, by Loser Mae Scanlan to “Young at Heart,” has the single best line in the contest: “He is cunningly shrewd, and he’s stunningly crude”; it refers to you have one guess. (Second-best single line, same topic: Dave Silberstein parodied “Everyone’s Gone to the Moon” to “Everyone’s Drawn to the Loon.”)
4th place Format: song parody; subject: a fad that is SO over; limitation: must contain a word and its anagram (here, “on” and “no”; okay, not
much of an anagram . . .) (to the chorus of “MacArthur Park”) The cupcake store has closed on Third and Park — No more treacly icing flowing now, The craze for high-priced baked goods on the wane. Now I’ll just have to toughen Up and eat an oat bran muffin, But perhaps I’ll get my pants to fit again.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) 3rd place Format: song parody; subject: footwear; limitations: must include all 26 letters of the alphabet. (To “Food, Glorious Food”) Shoes, glorious shoes! Our trendiest tonics. For nixing the blues, just slip on some Blahniks! Life feel like a garbage can? Don’t mope with the kvetchers. Ease into some Louboutins or – some – Skechers! Choose glorious Choos, Uggs, Magli or Madden. Prime Prada in twos no girl can look bad in. Wine Weitzmans or mint McQueens, no way you can lose! With Shoes – Michael Kors! Shoes – Saint Laurent! Shoes – Kenneth Cole! Shoes – L Vuitton! Shoes – Burberry! Shoes . . . glorious shoes!
(Nan Reiner, Alexandria) 2nd place and the mix-and-match game Dr. Lakra’s Mutant Laboratory: Format: riddle; subject: Trump campaign; limitation: must be short enough to tweet: Q. What did Trump tell Obama supporters to win them over? A. Orange is the new black.
(Steve Honley, Washington) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial Format: song parody; subject: Trump campaign; limitation: must contain a word and its anagram (limes/smile): ( To “Be Our Guest”) He’s obsessed! He’s obsessed! “Build a wall,” he says. “No jest! There’s disorder at the border And I know what’s for the best!” “They do rapes! They do crimes! They drink beer with sliced-up limes! And their culture’s undesired! Don’t believe me? Then you’re fired!” “It’s a sport to deport The burrito-eating sort; If they’re born here, send them back with all the rest!” Do people think he’s vile? (Dems cast a knowing smile) ’Cause he’s obsessed! He’s obsessed! He’s obsessed!
(Mark Raffman, Reston)