New con­test forWeek 1144: Some­one else’s busi­ness

The Washington Post Sunday - - ARTS & STYLE -

Goo Goo Clus­ter is a good name for a candy and an even bet­ter one for a baby play group. (Bird War­ing, Larch­mont, N.Y.) Dish Net­work is an okay name for a satel­lite TV sys­tem, but it’s a bet­ter one for an es­cort ser­vice. (Stephen Gold, Glas­gow,

Scot­land) In­vis­i­ble Fence is a de­scrip­tive name for a elec­tronic pet bar­rier, but it would be a great name for an In­ter­net pawn­shop. (Todd De­Lap, Fair­fax) Within hours af­ter I posted the Week 1140 con­test four weeks ago — the con­test whose re­sults run to­day — peo­ple started writ­ing in: You’ve just asked us to think of some brand name, and say what prod­uct, or­ga­ni­za­tion, etc., that name would be

bad for. Can we also send names that would be bet­ter for some­thing else?

Wait four weeks, I ad­vised. Some Losers didn’t, but any­way: This week: Name a real brand, along with some­thing else it would be a bet­ter name for, as in the ex­am­ples above, which the Em­press pulled out of the Week 1140s.

Win­ner gets the Inkin’ Me­mo­rial, the Lin­coln statue bob­ble­head that is the of­fi­cial Style In­vi­ta­tional tro­phy. Sec­ond place re­ceives a hand-size rub­ber chicken that “lays an egg” when you squeeze it. Ac­tu­ally, it ex­trudes a bub­ble filled with some­thing that kind of looks like raw egg white, plus a yel­low ball “yolk”; when you un­squeeze the chicken, it un­lays the egg and the bub­ble goes back in. Hmm, a seller on Ama­zon de­scribes these things as “ed­u­ca­tional toys that help chil­dren learn.” Learn what — that the chicken came first, then the egg, and then the egg changed its mind? Do­nated eons ago by Loser Mar­leen May.

Other run­ners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ar­dently de­sired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Hon­or­able men­tions get a lusted-af­ter Loser mag­net de­signed by Bob Staake: ei­ther “The Wit Hit the Fan” or “Hardly Har-Har.” First Of­fend­ers re­ceive a smelly tree-shaped air “fresh­ener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail en­tries to losers@wash­ or, if you were born in the 19th cen­tury, fax to 202-334-4312. Dead­line is Mon­day night, Oct. 19; re­sults pub­lished Nov. 8 (online Nov. 5). You may sub­mit up to 25 en­tries per con­test. In­clude “Week 1144” in your e-mail sub­ject line or it might be ig­nored as spam. In­clude your real name, postal ad­dress and phone num­ber with your en­try. See con­test rules and guide­lines at­vRules. The head­line for this week’s re­sults is by Kevin Dopart; the hon­or­able-men­tions sub­head is by Jeff Shirley. Join the lively Style In­vi­ta­tional Devo­tees group on Face­book at­vdev. “Like” the Style In­vi­ta­tional Ink of the Day on Face­book at­day.

3THE STYLE CON­VER­SA­TIONAL The Em­press’s weekly online col­umn dis­cusses each new con­test and set of re­sults. Es­pe­cially if you plan to en­ter, check it out at­conv.

If you lose this week’s con­test by thissss much, you can take your frus­tra­tions out on this 2nd-place prize.

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