Tour de Fours XII: A DICEy situation for Week 1145
Paracomedic: an EMT who performs stand-up while you lie down in the ambulance.
Ice-damsel: The person in distress if you try to “rescue” this princess is you.
Pasturepedic: A mattress that brings the freshness of the outdoors into your bedroom (antihistamine available separately).
Pundecided: Should we go with ‘Surfin’ DOA’ or ‘No Vibrations’ for the obituary headline?
This year’s Tour de Fours neologism contest uses two letters never used in the preceding 11 Tours: C and D. But the game’s the same: Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block D-I-C-E, and describe it, as in the examples above; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. Feel free to use it in a funny sentence.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives “The Art of the Bonsai Potato,” consisting of a little plastic stand on which you place a real potato, whose sprouts you trim with serene concentration as if they’re hundred-year old pine twigs. “Zen — without the wait,” it cheerfully promises. Mini-tools and “hilarious 32-page book” included. Donated by longtime Loser Christina Courtney. Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either “The Wit Hit the Fan” or “Hardly HarHar.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to firstname.lastname@example.org or, if you were born in the 19th century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 26; results published Nov. 15 (online Nov. 12). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. Include “Week 1145” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline for this week’s results is by Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Kevin Dopart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/ inkofday.
3THE STYLE CONVERSATIONAL The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.