Justice Ginsburg: Do you need any health?
Dear the Honorable Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, How are you? No, really, how are you? I’ve found myself thinking about you lately, and how things are going with you, and I just wanted you to know that I admire you very much and have some tokens of my esteem that you might enjoy.
Such as blood. If you have any need for blood, you can have the eight or so units of A-positive that are right here in my body. There’s also a gently used liver in here, lobes of it just lying around if you need them.
I am 32 years old and in good health. I take vitamins and fish oil. In the gym, I recently lifted almost three times your weight with my butt.
Do you like platelets? I have excellent platelets. I have had all my shots. If you, personally, ask me to, I will give up cheese. I can do eight push-ups and a 10-minute mile. My kidneys function well. I have two. Either one is yours for the taking. Both, if need be.
My cholesterols are in good ranges. I am confident that, whatever triglycerides are, mine are more than ample. I will be eating more vegetables, just in case. I have scads of nerves that you can have. Just take them. My skin would graft onto you beautifully. Bones, stem cells, a whole eyeball I don’t need, feet of intestines, feet. Just a ridiculous amount of health, way more than should rightly belong to someone with my standing in the world. It is not just. And I know you like justice.
I assume you see what I am driving at. My driver’s license says organ donor, but I have added a sticker stipulating that you get first right of refusal for all parts. If you need to keep me on life support in your house, just in case, while you slice off any bits that appeal to you, that is totally fine and my loved ones will understand. Believe me, they understand. We have discussed it.
I am somewhat bigger than you are, so my heart might not be a perfect fit. Have it cut to size.
Please find $50 enclosed for your personal trainer. Thank you, Rachel P.S. If this offer does not interest you, please pass it along to Justice Breyer.