Jus­tice Gins­burg: Do you need any health?

The Washington Post Sunday - - SUNDAY OPINION - BY RACHEL MANTEUFFEL The writer works in The Post’s Ed­i­to­rial de­part­ment.

Dear the Hon­or­able Jus­tice Ruth Bader Gins­burg, How are you? No, re­ally, how are you? I’ve found my­self think­ing about you lately, and how things are go­ing with you, and I just wanted you to know that I ad­mire you very much and have some to­kens of my es­teem that you might en­joy.

Such as blood. If you have any need for blood, you can have the eight or so units of A-pos­i­tive that are right here in my body. There’s also a gen­tly used liver in here, lobes of it just ly­ing around if you need them.

I am 32 years old and in good health. I take vi­ta­mins and fish oil. In the gym, I re­cently lifted al­most three times your weight with my butt.

Do you like platelets? I have ex­cel­lent platelets. I have had all my shots. If you, per­son­ally, ask me to, I will give up cheese. I can do eight push-ups and a 10-minute mile. My kid­neys func­tion well. I have two. Ei­ther one is yours for the tak­ing. Both, if need be.

My choles­terols are in good ranges. I am con­fi­dent that, what­ever triglyc­erides are, mine are more than am­ple. I will be eat­ing more veg­eta­bles, just in case. I have scads of nerves that you can have. Just take them. My skin would graft onto you beau­ti­fully. Bones, stem cells, a whole eye­ball I don’t need, feet of in­testines, feet. Just a ridicu­lous amount of health, way more than should rightly be­long to some­one with my stand­ing in the world. It is not just. And I know you like jus­tice.

I as­sume you see what I am driv­ing at. My driver’s li­cense says or­gan donor, but I have added a sticker stip­u­lat­ing that you get first right of re­fusal for all parts. If you need to keep me on life sup­port in your house, just in case, while you slice off any bits that ap­peal to you, that is to­tally fine and my loved ones will un­der­stand. Be­lieve me, they un­der­stand. We have dis­cussed it.

I am some­what big­ger than you are, so my heart might not be a per­fect fit. Have it cut to size.

Please find $50 en­closed for your per­sonal trainer. Thank you, Rachel P.S. If this of­fer does not in­ter­est you, please pass it along to Jus­tice Breyer.

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