New con­test for Week 1214: The al­ter­nau­gu­ral ad­dress

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS -

“My small hands will get big­ger — hon­estly, mag­nif­i­cent! — as long as I salute the one who con­trols my ev­ery move.”

Don­ald Trump’s in­au­gu­ral ad­dress was 1,433 words of pure . . . source ma­te­rial for our peren­nial word bank game, in which we present some widely known work or pas­sage, and ask you to write some­thing else from some of its words. Last year the Em­press used the song “Amer­i­can Pie”; over the years we’ve of­fered ev­ery­thing from Ge­n­e­sis to “The Cat in the Hat.” This week: Write a hu­mor­ous pas­sage — a “quote,” an ob­ser­va­tion, a joke, a di­a­logue, a poem, any­thing — us­ing only words that ap­pear in Trump’s in­au­gu­ral ad­dress (find it on­line at bit.ly/trump-ad­dress or by Googling). You may use a word only as many times as it ap­pears in the speech; for ex­am­ple, you may use “wealth” up to four times, but “car­nage,” alas, only once. You must use the whole word as it ap­pears (“hon­estly” but not “hon­est”), but you may change cap­i­tal­iza­tion and punc­tu­a­tion how­ever you like. You may at­tribute your “quote” to some­one else. Sub­mit en­tries at this web­site: bit.ly/en­ter-in­vite-1214 (all low­er­case). Win­ner gets the Inkin’ Me­mo­rial, the Lin­coln statue bob­ble­head that is the of­fi­cial Style In­vi­ta­tional tro­phy. Sec­ond place gets the lovely sculp­ture pic­tured here: The brand is Poopets, but we’ll call it the Tur­dle: a fig­urine made of (to­tally un­smelly) dried cow ma­nure. It’s sup­posed to break down into fer­til­izer in your gar­den, but donor Mike Crev­el­ing gave it a coat of var­nish: so a Tur­dle lasts for­ever. (But alas, it won’t ar­rive in time for Valen­tine’s Day.) Other run­ners-up win the yearned­for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” Loser mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Pun­man­ship.” Honor­able men­tions get one of our new lusted­af­ter Loser mag­nets, “No Child­ish­ness Left Be­hind” or “Mag­num Do­pus.” First Of­fend­ers re­ceive only a smelly tree­shaped air “fresh­ener” (FirStink for their first ink). Dead­line is Tues­day night, Feb. 21; results pub­lished March 12 (on­line March 9). See gen­eral con­test rules and guide­lines at wapo.st/In­vRules. The head­line for this week’s results is by John O’Byrne; the hon­or­able­men­tions sub­head is by Tom Witte. Join the lively Style In­vi­ta­tional Devo­tees group on Face­book at on.fb.me/ in­vdev. “Like” the Style In­vi­ta­tional Ink of the Day on Face­book at bit.ly/inkof­day; fol­low @StyleIn­vite on Twit­ter.

THE STYLE CON­VER­SA­TIONAL The Em­press’s weekly on­line col­umn dis­cusses each new con­test and set of results. Es­pe­cially if you plan to en­ter, check it out at wapo.st/style­conv.

BOB STAAKE FOR THE WASH­ING­TON POST

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