New contest for Week 1214: The alternaugural address
“My small hands will get bigger — honestly, magnificent! — as long as I salute the one who controls my every move.”
Donald Trump’s inaugural address was 1,433 words of pure . . . source material for our perennial word bank game, in which we present some widely known work or passage, and ask you to write something else from some of its words. Last year the Empress used the song “American Pie”; over the years we’ve offered everything from Genesis to “The Cat in the Hat.” This week: Write a humorous passage — a “quote,” an observation, a joke, a dialogue, a poem, anything — using only words that appear in Trump’s inaugural address (find it online at bit.ly/trump-address or by Googling). You may use a word only as many times as it appears in the speech; for example, you may use “wealth” up to four times, but “carnage,” alas, only once. You must use the whole word as it appears (“honestly” but not “honest”), but you may change capitalization and punctuation however you like. You may attribute your “quote” to someone else. Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1214 (all lowercase). Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets the lovely sculpture pictured here: The brand is Poopets, but we’ll call it the Turdle: a figurine made of (totally unsmelly) dried cow manure. It’s supposed to break down into fertilizer in your garden, but donor Mike Creveling gave it a coat of varnish: so a Turdle lasts forever. (But alas, it won’t arrive in time for Valentine’s Day.) Other runners-up win the yearnedfor “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” Loser mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our new lustedafter Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly treeshaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Tuesday night, Feb. 21; results published March 12 (online March 9). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline for this week’s results is by John O’Byrne; the honorablementions subhead is by Tom Witte. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/ invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
THE STYLE CONVERSATIONAL The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.