From Week 1211: Your tweet­ing har

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS - BY PAT MY­ERS

In Week 1211, in­spired by, oh, I don’t know, we asked for dis­parag­ing tweets of cel­e­brated his­tor­i­cal or lit­er­ary fig­ures. Some of the ink­ing en­tries be­low were “writ­ten” by par­tic­u­lar peo­ple; if there isn’t an at­tri­bu­tion, think of them as com­ing from any old time­warped (and other­wise warped) shal­low nar­cis­sist with a ridicu­lous sense of per­spec­tive.

4th place

@OskarSchindler so in­ept! Fac­to­ries lost money. Freeloader “work­ers” didn’t build mu­ni­tions. On my weak list. (Dun­can Stevens, Vi­enna, Va.)

3rd place

If @Muham­mad is such a big deal, why isn’t his pic­ture on any coins? Not to men­tion six-foot portraits. (Kevin Dopart, Wash­ing­ton)

2nd place and the Fishin’ for Floaters bath­tub game:

@VladP 1/20/17: Take that, @Jim Hen­son. #TheRealPup­petMaster (Jesse Frankovich, Lans­ing, Mich.)

And the win­ner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

Looks like @TheMes­siah’s get­ting delu­sions of grandeur. Thinks he’s @Re­alDon­aldTrump. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

So­cial not­work: honor­able men­tions

Can’t be­lieve @TJ­ef­fer­son spent $15M on Louisiana Ter­ri­tory! Very bad deal. Should have just grabbed it and made France pay. (Gil Glass, Wash­ing­ton) @ALin­coln, so low-en­ergy! 4 scores in 7 years? LAME! I can do bet­ter at one pageant! (Sean Do­herty, Sil­ver Spring, a First Of­fender) Such a nasty woman, @Cleopa­tra. A real snake! Nice asp, though. (Chris Doyle, Den­ton, Tex.; Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) Clue­less @Julius turned into Cae­sar salad, blames @2Bru­tus. Still won’t call it by its name: Rad­i­cal Pre-Is­lamic Ter­ror­ism. (Gary Crockett) Hey, @Lud­wigVB, I hear you wrote an­other sym­phony. Too bad YOU can’t. #ok­bad­joke (Edmund Conti, Raleigh) Hey @DurgCave­man, you fire no big as me fire. GOL! #ThargBestKnuck­leDrag­ger (Jesse Frankovich) My My @ColCusterCaval­ry­se­cret plan is the best.is big­gest!I have great­est­will FAIL! hair(Art Gri­nath,ever. #Sit­tingBulls--tTakoma Park, Md.) Delu­sional @Dorothy. Icky farm­hand fan­tasies. And that mangy mutt! #lock­himup — @ThE_Gulch (Kevin Dopart) Dim bulb @TAEdi­son tries 9,000th fil­a­ment, still noth­ing. I win his­toric vic­tory with #gaslight­ing. (Gary Crockett) @Ed­ward VIII, big league loser. Gave up throne for some p*. Throne GETS you p*, dumb duke! (Lynne Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.) Hey @mc_escher, I’m in your build­ing but can’t seem to make it up these damn stairs. Some­thing is *@&( up. #NotUpToCode (Jeff Brech­lin, Ap­ple Val­ley, Minn.) @FrodoBag­gins wasted per­fectly good jew­elry by throw­ing it in a vol­cano. Give it to Good­will and get the tax break! #dra­maqueen (Dun­can Stevens) @Gandhi u 2 skinny bra #have­aburger (Jamie John­son, Fayet­teville, W.Va., a First Of­fender) Some POTUS @GWash­ing­ton turns out 2 be! There goes an­other sil­ver $ into the river. . #taxand­spend --@Grover_Norquift (Bev­er­ley Sharp, Mont­gomery, Ala.) You’ve gotta see this @FDR guy -what a lame leader. Lets his aides push him around. Wife is a 2. Pa­thetic. (Mar­leen May, Rockville) Saw @He­lenKeller to­day. Called & waved to her but no ac­knowl­edg­ment. Rude! Demo­crat? (Larry McCle­mons, An­nan­dale, Va.) Just 5K peo­ple, @Je­sus? You even gave out fish sand­wiches. My crowd 10,000x big­ger -- see the photo. (Hugh Thirl­way, The Hague) Fail­ing fid­dler @JoshuaBell plays in train sta­tions, makes just $32! Em­bar­rass­ing. (Ali­son Can­dela, Rockville, a First Of­fender) Over­rated @Gehrig “luck­i­est man”? Sorry, buddy, that po­si­tion’s been filled. (Rob Huff­man, Fredericksburg, Va.) Only 1 life to give for his coun­try? @Nathan Hale has no stamina! (Frank Mann, Wash­ing­ton; El­liott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.) @Oliv­erTwist al­ways ask­ing for more hand­outs! Wel­fare prince ex­ploits hard-work­ing job cre­ators. (Dun­can Stevens) @Shakespeare: All cod­piece and naught but the limpest cod. – @SirFran­cisBa­con (Jeff Ha­zle, San

Antonio) @Spidey sense? If he had any sense, he’d clear the webs from his head and fi­nally boink Mary Jane. (Roger Dal­rym­ple, Get­tys­burg, Pa.) @Sun Tzu says the supreme art of war is to sub­due the enemy with­out fight­ing. Wuss. — @GenghisK (Chris Doyle) Rough Rider? Please, @TRoo­sevelt. @Cather­ineTheGr8 could ride bet­ter up­side down and back­wards. — @VPutin (Jeff Ha­zle) Hey, @Yoda, why can’t you use #TheForce to help you speak prop­erly? Be­cause stupid you sound. (Todd De­Lap, Fair­fax) @RealFDR, 12/5/1941: Em­peror @Hiro­hito is to­tally over­rated! More like ZEROhito. (Eric LeVasseur, Seal Beach, Calif., a First Of­fender)

@AlmightyGod takes foreverrr to get to work, then quits in 6 days. All the shows say he’s over. — @Lu­cifer (Kevin Dopart)

@Hem­ing­way sober up and maybe then you could write a sen­tence of more than six words be­fore nod­ding off — @JamesJoyce @JamesJoyce, it’s called punc­tu­a­tion. Try it some time. Ulysses = best doorstop I never read. — @Hem­ing­way (John Hutchins, Sil­ver Spring)

PAT MY­ERS/THE WASH­ING­TON POST

You have a golden op­por­tu­nity to win this lovely ce­ramic cup,

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