Haiku­dos: The ‘punku’ of Week 1213

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS - BY PAT MY­ERS

Week 1213 was a sim­ple con­cept: Write a haiku — for our pur­poses, any­thing with three lines and 5-7-5 syl­la­bles — that in­cor­po­rated a pun (or at least a word used two ways). Punku. The sub­ject mat­ter could be any­thing, but to judge from the ma­jor­ity of en­tries, the Loser Com­mu­nity still needed to vent about Our Na­tion. With no­table ex­cep­tions, the week’s po­lit­i­cal haiku out­shone the rest, many of which were sim­ply old (if funny) jokes in 17 syl­la­bles, e.g., “El­e­va­tor sex/ Some­thing com­pletely wrong on/ So many lev­els.” Shortly af­ter post­ing this con­test four weeks ago, the Em­press heard from Demi Newell, who’d cre­ated the Twit­ter hash­tag #punku in 2014; she can be fol­lowed at @DemiNewell.

4th place Rich straight white men rule. Looks like Amer­ica’s been Grabbed by the passe. (Seth Tucker, Wash­ing­ton)

3rd place Ol­lie the bob­cat Broke out of her en­clo­sure. That’s a fel-in-e. (Dave Sil­ber­stein, Col­lege Park)

2nd place and the cool Death Star night light: Liz War­ren sti­fled From read­ing Ms. King’s let­ter — In-Coretta-ble! (Bruce Niedt, Cherry Hill, N.J.)

And the win­ner of the Inkin’ Memo­rial: “The Bowl­ing Green Mass” Is what I call it, be­cause It didn’t -acre. (Jesse Frankovich, Lans­ing, Mich.)

Hacku: honor­able men­tions

The dis­hon­est press Says I banned a reli­gion! I should muz­zle ’em! (Homeira Ghor­bani, Wash­ing­ton)

The Chris­tian Right prays For the NRA: “Blessed Are the piece­mak­ers.” (Chris Doyle, Den­ton, Tex.)

“It’s fake news, FAKE NEWS!” Don cries and sighs. “The press lies!” He pro­nounced “prez” wrong. (Kevin Met­tinger, War­ren­ton, Va.)

Both Spicer’s fash­ion And card sense stank — he fol­lowed Trump in the wrong suit. (Mark Pom­poni, El­li­cott City, Md., a First Of­fender)

Ex­treme vet­ting is Reach­ing shoul­der deep into The butt of a cow. (Jesse Frankovich)

Story’s a bust! Trump Didn’t hide King’s statue — jeez! (Though it whis­pered, “Please?”) (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Wanted to find God, To be filled with ho­li­ness. Tried acupunc­ture. (Pete Morelewicz, Fred­er­icks­burg, Va.)

Good Old Boys’ Net­work, Con­sider your­self War­rened: We shall all per­sist. (Nan Reiner, Boca Ra­ton, Fla.)

To de­fend your boss, Just cite “al­ter­na­tive facts.” Do it the Con­way. (Dun­can Stevens, Vi­enna, Va.)

Kellyanne Con­way Watched her fa­vorite film last night. It’s “The Lyin’ King.” (Doug Wadler, Po­tomac)

So much vile dis­course. Per­haps Pres­i­dent Trump should Try Ban­non-free speech. (Seth Tucker)

Homer caught his son idol­iz­ing Steve Ban­non: “Not very bright, Bart!” (Kevin Met­tinger)

If Kings­ley, Ken­drick Mar­ried, then sep­a­rated: A Ben-Anna split. (Les­lie Horne, Green­belt)

He is on Twit­ter Ev­ery night at 3 a.m. A clock­work or­ange. (Jesse Frankovich)

The Se­nate vets Trump’s Nom­i­nees: An­other day, An­other dullard. (Chris Doyle)

Utah coffins made For the naked and the dead By Mor­mon Nailer. (Kevin Dopart, Wash­ing­ton)

This past Novem­ber Two paths di­verged in a wood. We chose psy­cho path. (Kathy El-As­sal, Mid­dle­ton, Wis.)

Hair-rais­ing era, For sure, but take heart: Never Do Chee­tos pros­per. (Ann Martin, Falls Church)

Why in­vite the strife Of a hus­band or a wife? Don’t al­tar your life. (Max Gut­mann, Cu­per­tino, Calif.)

Spokesman Sean Spicer Set the time for his brief­ing: It’s at Truth-Hurty. (Doug Wadler)

If flow­ers stand for Love, why then is ev­ery bloom Armed with a pis­til? (Lawrence McGuire, Wal­dorf, Md.)

If you’ve got a job At Cus­toms En­force­ment, you’ll Need a heart of ICE. (Dun­can Stevens)

He Bought the Farm Farmer Brown, he drowned, Corpse stuck in the ma­nure pit, For­ever in turd. (Bill Dorner, In­di­anapo­lis)

Fred­er­ick Dou­glass is Even greater now than when he was dead. Thanks, Trump! (Frank Osen)

An­thony Weiner And Trump both get in trou­ble Send­ing out edicts. (Seth Tucker)

Hail and Farewell “I’m the Grim Reaper. It’s mid­night. Time’s up at noon. So halve a nice day!” (Bev­er­ley Sharp, Mont­gomery, Ala.)

Thank good­ness we have Ju­di­cial bal­ances to Is­sue a reign check. (Jesse Frankovich)

Oh, snap, Steve Ban­non! You’ve got white su­prem­a­cists Rolling in the heils. (Chris Doyle)

A ve­gan mess hall? Army cooks serve soy pat­ties? Call it TOFUBAR. (War­ren Tan­abe, An­napo­lis)

How low can he go? Trump’s fo­cus is not on high, It’s in de­base­ment. (Mark Raffman, Re­ston)

Morn­ing joe wrecked by Civet dis­obe­di­ence: It pooped de­caf beans. (Pete Morelewicz)

I Came, I Saw . . . Oops! Cae­sar mis­con­strued What the sooth­sayer had said: “Flee mar­ket to­day.” (Bev­er­ley Sharp)

Im­per­son­at­ing Grou­cho Marx, Bob had the right Clothes, but no cigar. (Les­lie Horne)

Now this can get ink! I bowd­ler­ized the bad words — It’s in-f-able. (Roy Ash­ley, Wash­ing­ton)

Still run­ning — dead­line Mon­day night, March 6: Our con­test for new words you can dis­cover in a word-search grid. See bit.ly/ in­vite1216.

How bet­ter to prac­tice your drib­bling than with the Potty Bas­ket­ball game?

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