And ‘so’ wit was writ­ten: ‘X is so Y . . . ’

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS - BY PAT MY­ERS

In Week 1215 the Em­press sought one-lin­ers of the form “X is so Y that . . .” Once again, she didn’t tell the Loser Com­mu­nity to sling gibes at our pres­i­dent, but once again, those are what mostly were slung, big league. Per­haps a dozen en­tries of­fered that Trump is so self-cen­tered that he thought the song was about him.

4th place The Trump White House is so brazen, it’s of­fer­ing for­eign donors a night in the Putin Bed­room. (Dun­can Stevens, Vi­enna, Va.)

3rd place My friend from Weight Watch­ers is so com­pet­i­tive that she al­ways halves what I’m halv­ing. (Chris Doyle, Den­ton, Tex.)

2nd place and the toi­let­shaped mug: Don­ald Trump’s hands are so tiny, the women he grabs don’t even no­tice. (Brian All­gar, Paris)

And the win­ner of the Inkin’ Me­mo­rial: My chi­ro­prac­tor is so un­scrupu­lous, he charges Paul Ryan the same price as peo­ple who have back­bones. (Jeff Shirley, Rich­mond)

So close, yet so far: hon­or­able men­tions “The Bach­e­lor” is so fixed, it ought to be called “The Geld­ing.” (Lawrence McGuire, Wal­dorf, Md.)

Kellyanne Conway’s been so quiet lately that Richard Sim­mons is ask­ing what’s hap­pened to her. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Pres­i­dent Trump’s skin tone is so unusual, noth­ing rhymes with it. (Jesse Frankovich, Lans­ing, Mich.)

John McCain is such a bold, in­de­pen­dent-think­ing mav­er­ick, he com­plains about Trump’s nom­i­nees be­fore vot­ing for them. (Dun­can Stevens)

Po­lit­i­cal cor­rect­ness has got­ten so out of con­trol that the last time I or­dered French toast at a diner, a mil­len­nial at the next ta­ble jumped up and started scream­ing, “Cul­tural ap­pro­pri­a­tion! Cul­tural ap­pro­pri­a­tion!” (Tom Witte, Mont­gomery Vil­lage, Md.)

Don­ald Trump is so great. #to­tal­lyriggedStyleIn­vi­ta­tion­al­claim sIbroketherules #af­terevery­thingIve­done­forthePost #suchanastyem­press (Melissa Bal­main, Rochester, N.Y.)

The crowd was so huge at Trump’s in­au­gu­ra­tion that the Park Po­lice con­sid­ered set­ting up a sec­ond Porta-John. (Hildy Zam­pella, Falls Church, Va.)

Kim Jong Un is so para­noid that his food taster has a food taster. (John O’Byrne, Dublin)

Amer­ica’s lawyers have been get­ting so much love for their help fight­ing the immigration ban, cab­bies are giv­ing them free rides to chase am­bu­lances. (Mark Raffman, Re­ston, Va.)

Mitch McCon­nell is such a neg­a­tive guy that his bob­ble­head shakes its head no. (Pie Snel­son, Sil­ver Spring)

The in­sult was so triv­ial that even @re­alDon­aldTrump wouldn’t re­spond to it. (Jeff Ha­zle, San An­to­nio)

The movie was so aw­ful that ev­ery­one in the theater stopped tex­ting to watch in dis­be­lief. (Hildy Zam­pella)

Trump is so out of shape, he gets tired in con­ver­sa­tions with for­eign of­fi­cials just press­ing their but­tons. (Dan Helm­ing)

Don­ald Trump is so reck­less he asked Kim Jong Un to pick him up at the air­port. (David Klein­bard, Ma­maro­neck, N.Y.)

Cana­di­ans are so an­gry about Trump’s travel ban, they are ask­ing po­litely that it be re­pealed. (Mark Raffman)

Don­ald Trump is such an inept fas­cist, he can’t even make Metro run on time. (Mark Raffman)

The Old Woman in the Shoe had so many kids, she had to learn to multi-tsk. (Chris Doyle)

Pres­i­dent Trump is so self­ab­sorbed, he thinks the word “meme” has two syl­la­bles. (Jesse Frankovich)

Chuck Nor­ris is so tough, his shower floor is strewn with Le­gos. (Chris Doyle)

The Democrats have been so shut out of the gov­ern­ing process, they’re writ­ing let­ters to their con­gress­men. (Dan Helm­ing, Maple­wood, N.J.)

The sus­pect’s rap sheet was so long that the po­lice had to print it on the back of a CVS re­ceipt. (Hildy Zam­pella)

Kids are so un­gen­er­ous th­ese days that mine al­ways want me to pay them back ev­ery time I bor­row a cou­ple hun­dred dol­lars for beer and cig­a­rettes. (Ivars Kuske­vics, Takoma Park, Md.)

Facebook is so polluted with po­lit­i­cal vit­riol that my friends who voted for Trump and RU­INED OUR COUN­TRY (HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW) don’t even pay at­ten­tion to my posts any­more. (Mark Raffman)

Don­ald Trump’s hands are so large that his skin has to stretch re­ally thin to cover them. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria)

Betty White is so old that when she says she saw “Hamil­ton,” she saw Hamil­ton. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

The night was so dark, democ­racy died. (Jeff Ha­zle)

Your Mama’s been used so much that even this con­test doesn’t want to touch her. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Keira Knight­ley is so thin, she could pass as Monday’s Washington Post. (Kevin Dopart)

The Style In­vi­ta­tional’s read­er­ship is com­prised of peo­ple so nit­picky that they’ve already men­tally cor­rected the first part of this sen­tence to “com­posed of.” (Jeff Con­tom­pa­sis, Ash­burn, Va.)

And Last: The Em­press is so ob­jec­tive that she reads en­tries with a blind­fold on. (Kel Nagel, Sal­is­bury, Md.)

Still run­ning — dead­line Monday night, March 20: our peren­nial Mess With Our Heads con­test to rein­ter­pret head­lines. See­vite-1218.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.