Liken or not: Week 1224 win­ners

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS - BY PAT MY­ERS

In peren­ni­alEm­press­nounswhat about Week was any and 1224, pre­sent­edthe In­vitetwo phrases same,of in con­tests, anda or listof dif­fer­ent,aske­dourof the 19 Too that un­mar­ried­manyApril the peo­ple fe­male, gi­raffe,to would credit be­ing be notedan in­el­i­gi­blePence. for lunch with Mike Ding ding ding! This week, ac­cord­ing to the vo­lu­mi­nous sta­tis­tics kept by Uber-Loser Elden Car­na­han, First Of­fender Paul Wilmes be­comes the 5,000th per­son ever to get ink in The Style In­vi­ta­tional. (And you thought the prizes al­ways go to the same few peo­ple.)

4th place A golf cart ride at Mar-a-Lago and April the gi­raffe de­liv­ered the two most-fol­lowed baby boys on the In­ter­net. (Jesse Frankovich, Lans­ing, Mich.)

3rd place The dif­fer­ence be­tween lunch with Mike Pence and a flight on United Ex­press: You want them to drag you away from lunch with Mike Pence. (Frank Mann, Wash­ing­ton)

2nd place, the win­ner of the “I Pooped To­day” Tshirt: The dif­fer­ence be­tween a flight on United Ex­press and a va­ca­tion in space: Space. (David Bal­lard, Re­ston)

And the win­ner of the Inkin’ Memo­rial: The dif­fer­ence be­tween World War III and a ham-and-cheese sand­wich? Stupid ques­tion! Sad! A war is tremen­dous, very com­pli­cated. But a ham-and­cheese — I don’t even need my read­ing glasses to or­der one. I can just press this big red LUNCH but­ton and . . . (Melissa Bal­main, Rochester, N.Y.)

Pair to mid­dling: Honor­able men­tions The dif­fer­ence be­tween a re­sponse by Sean Spicer and a self-driv­ing car: The car can crash and burn only once. (Paul Wilmes, Min­neapo­lis, a First Of­fender)

April the gi­raffe is like a re­sponse by Sean Spicer: Both in­volve a gap­ing ori­fice with a foot lodged in it. (Melissa Bal­main)

A flight on United Ex­press and a golf cart ride at Mar-a-Lago: Both in­volve a bat­tery charge. (Mark Ca­lan­dra, Sud­bury, Mass.)

A flight on United Ex­press and an in­ten­tional walk: Ex­pect each to yield a force-out. (Mike Gips, Bethesda)

A va­ca­tion in space vs. a flight on United Ex­press: In space, no one can hear you scream. (Drew Ben­nett, West Plains, Mo.; Stephen Dudzik, Ol­ney, Md.)

On an in­ten­tional walk, the of­fen­sive player gets to first base; on a golf cart ride at Mar-a-Lago, the of­fen­sive player might try to get to third. (Jesse Frankovich)

Bey­oncé’s vo­cal cords: “All the sin­gle ladies” Lunch with Mike Pence: “Aaagh! Sin­gle ladies!” (Bird War­ing, Larch­mont, N.Y.)

How is MOAB dif­fer­ent from a re­sponse by Sean Spicer? The hole dug by the former is a lot eas­ier to climb out of. (David Gar­ratt, Sil­ver City, N.M.)

World War III: Could cause nu­clear win­ter. A pink knit hat: Uh-oh, a snowflake! It’s the end of the world! (Hildy Zam­pella, Falls Church)

A re­sponse by Sean Spicer vs. a left sock with a hole in it: The sock would hold more wa­ter. (Jesse Frankovich)

You wave four fin­gers for an in­ten­tional walk, just one for a re­sponse by Sean Spicer. (Steve Glomb, Alexan­dria; Roger Dal­rym­ple, Get­tys­burg, Pa.)

I have a bet­ter chance of sur­viv­ing World War III than Easter Bunny ears have of sur­viv­ing me. (Gary Crock­ett, Chevy Chase)

World War III: apoc­a­lypse. A kale- and-blue­berry smoothie: a pucker-lips. (Jeff Con­tom­pa­sis, Ash­burn, Va.)

An in­ten­tional walk: throw ’em out­side and it’s first base; a va­ca­tion in space: throw ’em

out­side and it’s burst face. (Steve Of­futt, Ar­ling­ton)

Both Easter Bunny ears and a kale-and-blue­berry smoothie taste best when made from chocolate. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

A flight on United Ex­press is like the 50-yard line at FedEx Field: a great place to watch a kick-off. (Frank Mann)

The dif­fer­ence be­tween a lunch with Mike Pence and a pink knit hat: Don­ald Trump has never wanted to grab a lunch with Mike Pence. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

A kale-and-blue­berry smoothie is an­tiox­i­dant, while a self-driv­ing car is anti-ac­ci­dent. (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithers­burg; Matt Monitto, Bris­tol, Conn.; An­nette Green, Lex­ing­ton, Va.)

A kale-and-blue­berry smoothie: Lots of an­tiox­i­dants. World War III: Lots of anti-Oc­ci­dents. (Tom Witte, Mont­gomery Vil­lage, Md.; Jesse Frankovich)

Good things a kale-and-blue­berry smoothie are all the an­tiox­i­dants; bad things about a va­ca­tion in space are all the oxy-ac­ci­dents. (Gary Crock­ett)

April the gi­raffe vs. a re­sponse by Sean Spicer: Even with com­pli­ca­tions, the gi­raffe has a smoother de­liv­ery. (Lawrence McGuire, Wal­dorf, Md.)

A re­sponse by Sean Spicer and the 50-yard line at FedEx Field:

At both, you’ll say, “Oh boy, here comes the of­fen­sive line.” (John Holder, Rock Hill, S.C.)

A flight on United Ex­press vs. World War III: I’m sure that Don­ald Trump is savvy enough to avoid a flight on United Ex­press. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

A pink knit hat and lunch with Mike Pence: The first al­lows a woman to make a state­ment. (Seth Tucker, Wash­ing­ton)

An in­ten­tional walk re­quires four balls at the plate. A lunch with Mike Pence re­quires four balls at the ta­ble. (Gary Crock­ett)

The dif­fer­ence be­tween the past five Style In­vi­ta­tional con­tests and a re­sponse by Sean Spicer is that the con­tests are full of wit. (Jesse Frankovich)

The past five Style In­vi­ta­tional con­tests are ex­am­ples of a self­styled monarch be­stow­ing fa­vors on an as­sort­ment of Losers. The White House vis­i­tor logs, if avail­able, would prob­a­bly show some­thing sim­i­lar. (Dun­can Stevens, Vi­enna, Va.)

A ham-and-cheese sand­wich and the past five Style In­vi­ta­tional con­tests: In an emer­gency, my rabbi might ap­prove of the sand­wich. (Dave Zar­row, Re­ston)

Still run­ning — dead­line Mon­day, May 22: our con­test for a ne­ol­o­gism whose let­ters are all dif­fer­ent. See in­vite1227.

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