Dis­patch from the deep state

The Washington Post Sunday - - SUNDAY OPINION - DANA MILBANK Twit­ter: @Milbank

Iwas on duty in the deep-state sit­u­a­tion room, in the base­ment of the Comet Ping Pong pizza res­tau­rant, when the news came in. Alex Jones, the man Pres­i­dent Trump has praised for his “amaz­ing” rep­u­ta­tion and for “stand­ing up for what’s right,” had done it again: He had bro­ken the news that we in the deep state were re­spon­si­ble for the mass shoot­ing in Las Ve­gas. It was a clean scoop. He even knew we re­leased O.J. Simp­son from prison in Ne­vada 20 hours be­fore the shoot­ing to draw more me­dia to the area. “The whole thing has the hall­marks of be­ing scripted by deep-state Democrats and their Is­lamic al­lies us­ing men­tal-pa­tient cutouts,” Jones re­ported.

At this, a cheer went up at Deep State Com­mand. As al­ways, rep­re­sen­ta­tives of the var­i­ous deep-state en­ti­ties — in­tel­li­gence of­fi­cials; bu­reau­crats from the Jus­tice Depart­ment, Ed­u­ca­tion Depart­ment, EPA and NASA; jour­nal­ists; glob­al­ists; Jews; sundry elites; and the Prince of Nor­way — were on duty. As luck would have it, I was do­ing my monthly shift that day.

We weren’t cheer­ing about the deaths, mind you. But such Amer­i­can car­nage is un­avoid­able, given the goal of Op­er­a­tion ENDGAME, our plan to eu­th­a­nize 80 per­cent of the world’s pop­u­la­tion so global elites can live for­ever us­ing ad­vanced tech­nol­ogy.

We were cheer­ing be­cause it is grat­i­fy­ing fi­nally to be rec­og­nized for our labors. The work we have done in re­cent years has been ex­haust­ing, but we have toiled in ob­scu­rity.

We got the Air Force to cre­ate tor­na­does and di­rected the FBI to bomb the Bos­ton Marathon. We in­jected tox­ins into juice boxes to make chil­dren gay so they would not re­pro­duce. Our Strato­spheric Aerosol Geo­engi­neer­ing depart­ment has used the con­trails of air­planes to cover the Earth in flood-in­duc­ing chem­i­cals. We mur­dered An­tonin Scalia, we staged the 9/11 at­tacks and Sandy Hook shoot­ings, and we in­stalled Pres­i­dent Barack Obama as head of al-Qaeda. But we in the deep state never got the recog­ni­tion we de­served.

Un­til now. Things are chang­ing, and not just be­cause Trump has put Jones in the main­stream. Fox News’s Tucker Carl­son and Sean Han­nity are re­port­ing reg­u­larly on our work, and smaller out­lets such as the Daily Caller and Gate­way Pun­dit have joined the pack. Above all, Stephen K. Ban­non’s Bre­it­bart has been in­dis­pens­able in build­ing our rep­u­ta­tion — so much so that al­most half of Amer­i­cans now know we deep staters ex­ist.

Bre­it­bart’s eyes are ev­ery­where. It re­ported that anti-Trump protests af­ter the elec­tion were fi­nanced by deep-state mem­ber Ge­orge Soros. It got wind of our plan to steal Trump’s elec­tors. Bre­it­bart edi­tor John Car­ney was onto us for plant­ing a cover photo in Vogue of Jennifer Lawrence in front of the Statue of Lib­erty.

Bre­it­bart de­ter­mined that we deep staters had sub­jected Trump to “seven times more leaks” than Obama or Pres­i­dent Ge­orge W. Bush faced. It re­ported on our “de facto coup” against Trump and the ex­is­tence of our “de facto shadow gov­ern­ment.” It dis­cov­ered the “si­lent coup” that we un­der­took with Obama staffers to un­der­mine Trump. It knew we ex­tended top se­cu­rity clear­ances for Hil­lary Clin­ton and her staff months into the Trump pres­i­dency.

Bre­it­bart cred­ited us with “get­ting rid of Michael Flynn” as na­tional se­cu­rity ad­viser. It chron­i­cled our em­ploy­ment of hack­ers to at­tack the com­put­ers of our foes, as well as our eaves­drop­ping on Trump him­self. It re­ported the ac­cu­sa­tion that the U.S. mis­sile strike on Syria was called by the deep state. It un­cov­ered booby traps we set for Trump through­out fed­eral agen­cies.

Bre­it­bart knew we in the deep state have sab­o­taged of­fi­cial com­mu­ni­ca­tions, es­pe­cially at the EPA, where we have a “par­tic­u­larly no­to­ri­ous fifth col­umn.” It re­ported about us block­ing in­tel­li­gence of­fi­cials from work­ing in the Trump White House and pun­ish­ing those who tried. It broke news of us plant­ing anti-Trump “sher­pas” in “pow­er­ful po­si­tions in the ad­min­is­tra­tion.”

Bre­it­bart learned that we deep staters il­le­gally com­mu­ni­cate with one an­other “us­ing en­crypted cell phone tech­nol­ogy.” It has the goods on our “deep-state prose­cu­tors” at the Jus­tice Depart­ment. It doggedly pur­sues the “unan­swered ques­tions” sur­round­ing our in­volve­ment in the mur­der of Demo­cratic Na­tional Com­mit­tee staffer Seth Rich. It knows James B. Comey is one of us. It knows the deep state forced Trump not to move the U.S. Em­bassy in Is­rael to Jerusalem. It knows we “push trans­gen­der ide­ol­ogy onto schools.” And it re­ported about the fir­ing of a Na­tional Se­cu­rity Coun­cil of­fi­cial who ac­cu­rately ar­gued that the ad­min­is­tra­tion is threat­ened by the deep state.

Bre­it­bart says it hasn’t ac­cused us of as­sas­si­na­tions or mass killings. But maybe, af­ter Las Ve­gas, it will fi­nally re­port the whole truth: The deep state is ev­ery­where. We con­trol ev­ery­thing.

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