Some re­views of the first line of the first chap­ter of ‘What Hap­pened’

The Washington Post - - FREE FOR ALL - Alexandra Petri writes the Com Post blog at wash­ing­ton­post.com/blogs/com­post. ALEXANDRA PETRI

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” — Friedrich Ni­et­zsche (and Kelly Clark­son) (Open­ing of “Show­ing Up,” the first chap­ter of “What Hap­pened” by Hil­lary Clin­ton.)

This book is try­ing too hard. If you re­ar­range the words in these sen­tences, it doesn’t spell “Beng­hazi” but I think that, in and of it­self, is EX­TREMELY TELLING. This font is not right. No one would ques­tion the font that a man used to type these words, and I can’t be­lieve that Hil­lary Clin­ton is be­ing sub­jected to it.

This is just what I imag­ine Les­lie Knope’s book would have been like. Al­ready, it is like a cool drink of wa­ter in the wilder­ness, a wilder­ness where Hil­lary Clin­ton has been dili­gently fight­ing rogue clowns for us for the past sev­eral months. I am grate­ful for her every day.

I’m sorry, but af­ter the sec­ond word I blanked out and went straight back to elec­tion night, and all I can hear is the sound of sob­bing and un­used con­fetti and bal­loons fall­ing wetly from an un­bro­ken glass ceil­ing onto a tear-soaked ball­room floor and noth­ing will ever be al­right ever again.

Why isn’t this just an un­print­able ex­ple­tive in ALL CAPS that takes up an en­tire page? This doesn’t feel strong enough.

When I read this sen­tence, I burst into tears. When my daugh­ter is old enough, I’m go­ing to read it to her. These are the words of a woman who should have been our pres­i­dent, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about that fact with re­gret. If you ever want to run again, I am still with you, as my numer­ous bumper stick­ers say. Your logo was great, by the way, if you’re read­ing this. I hope you are, some­where. I al­ways hope so.

These words are okay, but I wish they had been at­trib­uted to Bernie San­ders, who is sin­cere and good. Hil­lary Clin­ton is in­sin­cere and bad.

Kelly Clark­son in fact said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Hil­lary Clin­ton is out of touch with to­day’s youth, as ever. Yas, Khaleesi! I know this re­view is not the place, but I don’t know where else to post about my gen­eral con­fu­sion that Pantsuit Na­tion is still so ac­tive.

Clear proof that Hil­lary Clin­ton is SICK and on the verge of death.

AF­TER EV­ERY­THING KATY PERRY SAC­RI­FICED TO CAM­PAIGN FOR YOU, HOW COULD YOU DARE TO START A BOOK WITH ANY­THING BUT A KATY PERRY QUOTE? This is no “Dreams From My Fa­ther.” I didn’t like this very much, but I know that was be­cause of in­ter­nal­ized sex­ism. Too re­hearsed. I al­ready have all the proof I need that Hil­lary Clin­ton se­cretly or­ches­trated every bad thing that has be­fallen the coun­try in the course of her life­time, in­clud­ing but not lim­ited to JFK’s as­sas­si­na­tion, 9/11 and that time when a swarm of bees flew onto the White House lawn and ter­ri­fied some chil­dren Pres­i­dent Barack Obama was read­ing to.

This sen­tence re­minded me that Hil­lary Clin­ton voted for the Iraq War.

I just re­al­ized it’s been al­most a year since I had to hear “Fight Song.” Oh no, now it is stuck in my head again. I am go­ing to throw this book out of a win­dow, just for re­mind­ing me of that abom­i­na­tion. I miss the de­bates. She should start the book by apol­o­giz­ing ab­jectly for ev­ery­thing that went wrong, not with this non­sense quote.

In this sen­tence, Hil­lary Clin­ton makes light of the sit­u­a­tions of thou­sands of hard-work­ing Amer­i­cans who weren’t killed but in fact were NOT made stronger by the or­deals they suf­fered. She should apol­o­gize. This quote should have been from Wis­con­sin. This seems like some­thing Hil­lary Clin­ton would say to Wall Street for money. BENG­HAZI How typ­i­cal that in or­der for Kelly Clark­son to get her words taken se­ri­ously, she has to at­tribute them to a man. I am fired up with in­dig­na­tion al­ready! Didn’t apol­o­gize enough. Too apolo­getic. EMAILS

Maybe in­stead of blam­ing Ni­et­zche, Hil­lary Clin­ton should blame her­self.

Al­ready blam­ing too much on sex­ism and not enough on her­self.

Where is the apol­ogy to Bernie San­ders and the men­tion of the DNC’s com­plic­ity? This isn’t a good look.

Did we need this? Why is this hap­pen­ing? Who asked for this?

Could this be the pivot we have long been wait­ing for? Al­ready, this is a more pres­i­den­tial tone than we have been see­ing from the com­man­der in chief so far. Oh no, was this Hil­lary Clin­ton’s book? I am sorry, it has been a long week, and I got con­fused.

“Crooked Hil­lary Clin­ton blames ev­ery­body (and every thing) but her­self for her elec­tion loss. She lost the de­bates and lost her di­rec­tion!”

Wrong au­thor.

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