Son learn­ing lessons in in­fi­delity from dad

The Washington Times Daily - - Life - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN STEVE BECKER

DEAR ABBY: I have been mar­ried for 18 years. In that time my hus­band has been un­faith­ful twice. Last week I was go­ing through his cell­phone and no­ticed from his emails that he had reg­is­tered with a dat­ing ser­vice and was ex­chang­ing pho­tos with four women. I threw him out of the house.

What re­ally up­sets me is my 17year-old son knew about the af­fairs and thinks it’s per­fectly nor­mal for his dad to have fe­male “friends” while we were still liv­ing to­gether. I don’t like what my soonto-be-ex did to me, and I don’t want my son think­ing it’s OK to start look­ing while you’re still mar­ried.

My son finds ways to ex­cuse his fa­ther’s be­hav­ior. How can I make him un­der­stand that look­ing for other part­ners while you’re mar­ried is be­ing un­faith­ful? — TEXAS WIFE WHO’S HAD IT

DEAR HAD IT: That may not be easy. Your hus­band, by mak­ing your son his ally (“It’ll just be be­tween us guys”), has made him a mem­ber of the “boys club” and cliqued you out. Has your son not seen how painful this has been for you? Your al­most ex-hus­band is a ter­ri­ble role model. When your son fol­lows in Dad’s foot­steps — and there is ev­ery rea­son to be­lieve he will — he will never have a suc­cess­ful mar­riage of his own.

DEAR ABBY: My girl­friend and I have been dat­ing for four years. In the be­gin­ning, we’d split our vis­its be­tween her house and mine be­cause we live 100 miles apart.

Two years ago she stopped want­ing me to come to her house. She’d say it was dirty or that she didn’t want any­one there. When we plan to have me go there, the day ar­rives and she says she wants to break up with me be­cause I in­sist on vis­it­ing her. Over the past year and a half, I have been to her place only three times. She hemmed and hawed but fi­nally al­lowed it.

She claims there’s no rea­son she’s act­ing this way, that I’m crazy and peo­ple are putting ideas in my head. I tell her it’s her be­hav­ior that makes me think she’s hid­ing some­thing. What should I do? — SUS­PI­CIOUS IN BUF­FALO

DEAR SUS­PI­CIOUS: Some­thing strange is go­ing on. A dras­tic change in some­one’s be­hav­ior is le­git­i­mate cause for con­cern. Clearly your girl­friend has a se­cret. She may be see­ing some­one or there’s some­thing else she doesn’t want you to see. You are over­due in get­ting to the bot­tom of it, so stop al­low­ing her to put you on the de­fen­sive, even if it means end­ing the re­la­tion­ship.

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I re­ceived a wed­ding gift in the form of a do­na­tion to a re­li­gious or­ga­ni­za­tion in honor of our nup­tials. I am strongly op­posed to this or­ga­ni­za­tion be­cause it ex­cludes women from its pri­mary mis­sion due to be­liefs I do not share. Hav­ing found this gesture to be of­fen­sive, how do I ac­knowl­edge this “gift”? — NOT IN MY NAME

DEAR NOT IN MY NAME: What a pe­cu­liar gift for a wed­ding. Usu­ally cou­ples re­ceive an item for which they reg­is­tered, or some­thing they can use or en­joy to­gether. It ap­pears that rather than give you a gift, your guest gave him­self/her­self a tax de­duc­tion.

For the sake of good man­ners, write the per­son a short note say­ing, “Thank you for shar­ing our spe­cial day with us.”

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band is 70 and I’m 68. We have been mar­ried for two years. His pre­vi­ous wife was 22 years younger than him, and he seems to de­light in bring­ing the age thing up. I feel so old and in­se­cure. Have you any words of wis­dom to of­fer me? — THE OLD LADY

DEAR LADY: Two can play your hus­band’s game. The next time he men­tions it, tell him the rea­son she’s his “ex” is that he was too old for her — which is why this time he wised up and picked on some­body “his own size.”

How much luck is there in du­pli­cate bridge? Cer­tainly not much over the long haul, since luck tends to even out over a pe­riod of time. But on a given oc­ca­sion, it is pos­si­ble to be ex­tremely lucky — or un­lucky — even though ex­actly the same hands are played at the var­i­ous ta­bles.

Con­sider this deal from a teamof-four match. At the first ta­ble, South, sup­pos­edly play­ing weak open­ing one-notrump bids with a range of 12 to 14 points, de­cided to open his 11-count with one no-trump.

North, us­ing a spe­cial form of Stay­man, re­sponded with two di­a­monds, ask­ing South to bid a four­card ma­jor suit if he had one. When South bid two spades, North took the bull by the horns and raised to slam.

This ten­u­ous con­tract proved to be un­beat­able. West led the 10 of clubs, and de­clarer went up with the ace, played the K-A of trumps, then cashed five di­a­mond tricks, dis­card­ing a heart and a club from dummy. South even­tu­ally lost a club trick, and so scored 980 points.

Note that it would not have helped West to lead the heart ace in­stead of a club. In that case, de­clarer would have scored 12 tricks con­sist­ing of five spades, five di­a­monds, a heart and a club.

At the other ta­ble, the bid­ding went: South West North

East

Here North be­came de­clarer at six spades, and East led the 10 of hearts. As a re­sult, the slam went down one be­cause North had to lose a heart and a club re­gard­less of how he played. The rub of the green, you might say, but that’s what you some­times run into in du­pli­cate bridge.

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