Hus­band wants to be buried with both wives

The Washington Times Daily - - Life - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I lost my beau­ti­ful wife. We had been mar­ried for more than 30 years. I bought a plot at the ceme­tery for both of us, and she’s buried there now.

I since have re­mar­ried and have been blessed with an­other won­der­ful wife. There are no spa­ces left next to the ex­ist­ing plot, although I would like to be placed be­tween both my wives when the time comes. Any rec­om­men­da­tions? — MR. IN-BE­TWEEN

DEAR MR. IN-BE­TWEEN: You have a cou­ple of op­tions. One would be to ask if your ceme­tery per­mits “dou­ble-depth” buri­als, in which one vault is placed on top of an­other. Or, if you wish, upon your demise you could choose cre­ma­tion for your­self and have your ashes di­vided and placed with both wives.

I dis­cussed your ques­tion with a won­der­ful lady, Lisa Carl­son, ex­ec­u­tive di­rec­tor of the Fu­neral Ethics Or­ga­ni­za­tion. She’s a mine of com­mon-sense in­for­ma­tion on the sub­ject of death and funer­als — a sub­ject many peo­ple find dif­fi­cult to dis­cuss.

Lisa re­minded me that years ago, funer­als were han­dled at home and by the com­mu­nity, and chil­dren grew up un­der­stand­ing what would hap­pen when a death oc­curred. How­ever, as we turned death over to fu­neral di­rec­tors, much of that com­mon knowl­edge has been lost. The av­er­age adult plans only one fu­neral in a life­time, and few schools teach us what our choices and rights are — or how to save money on funer­als.

Readers, the Fu­neral Ethics Or­ga­ni­za­tion pub­lishes free, state-spe­cific pam­phlets on the sub­ject of fu­neral con­sumer rights. To down­load one for your state, visit its web­site, fu­, or send a busi­ness-size self-ad­dressed, stamped en­ve­lope to Fu­neral Ethics Or­ga­ni­za­tion, 87 Up­per Ac­cess Road, Hi­nes­burg, VT 05461, for a print ver­sion. DEAR ABBY: I re­cently mar­ried my boyfriend of five years. Our mar­riage is only a few months old, and we’re not happy. My hus­band is sweet, but he is ab­so­lutely the world’s worst com­mu­ni­ca­tor. He’s an in­tro­vert and has a “what­ever” at­ti­tude about ev­ery­thing. He tells me he can’t put his feel­ings into words. So how can we fix any of our prob­lems?

We also con­stantly fight about our sex life. I’d ap­pre­ci­ate it at least weekly. He doesn’t care if we have sex or not. I have voiced my con­cern about our sex life, but it doesn’t seem to help. I feel re­jected and hurt, and I crave this at­ten­tion from my hus­band. I’m an af­fec­tion­ate and at­trac­tive young woman — so what gives? — NEEDS AT­TEN­TION IN DAL­LAS

DEAR NEEDS AT­TEN­TION: Was your hus­band this way dur­ing the five years you were to­gether be­fore the wed­ding? If he was, you shouldn’t have gone through with it be­cause peo­ple don’t mag­i­cally change af­ter a trip to the al­tar.

If he was pas­sion­ate, at­ten­tive and ver­bal but now has with­drawn, ask him a sim­ple ques­tion: “Do you still want to be mar­ried to me?” If he can’t an­swer that one, it’s time to ask your­self an im­por­tant ques­tion: “Am I bet­ter off with him or not?” If the an­swer is no, ac­cept the fact that it’s time to end the mar­riage.

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