Man who won’t commit has every reason not to
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 45year-old married woman with four kids. I fell in love with a longtime friend, “Hugh,” two years ago. He’s single and has never been married.
I told him I want a relationship, but he says that since I’m married we can’t have one. I told him I love him, but he’s not sure he feels as strongly about it as I do. We have been spending a lot of time together and have started to get intimate.
I told Hugh I don’t want to just fool around — I want a commitment. He worries about my kids, and that if I leave their father they won’t understand.
My husband is very cold and distant. We don’t say much to each other anymore; we’re just two adults living in the same house raising our kids. We have gone to counseling, but it didn’t help. My husband says things are fine — but they’re not.
I’m angry because Hugh is willing to fool around but not commit. He says this shouldn’t go on anymore and his heart isn’t in it. The fact that I’m married bothers him. I told him to wait and eventually my husband and I will divorce. I’m hurt by his decision to back out. I feel he wanted the intimacy but doesn’t want me, and I feel used. How do I sort this out? — USED IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR “USED”: You weren’t used — you threw yourself at Hugh, and what has happened was by mutual consent. Why would you expect a commitment from him when you haven’t shown yourself capable of sticking with one? I credit Hugh for his honesty — he hasn’t led you on. That you’re married should bother him.
When a man tells you his “heart” isn’t in it, trust me, the rest of him isn’t far behind. Don’t waste your time being hurt. Learn from this. You have unfinished business to attend to. Your marriage is a mess. If it doesn’t survive, you owe it to the next man in your life to be available before you start prospecting. If you’re not, this will happen to you again and again.
Part of the skill of good declarer play consists of inducing your opponents to make errors. The more often a declarer gives the opposition a chance to make an error, the more often the desired result will be attained.
Consider this deal, where South is declarer at six hearts. The contract cannot be made against best defense, yet there is a real possibility to make the slam if declarer sets the stage properly.
Let’s say you’re South and win West’s kingof-spades lead with the ace, East playing the five. You draw three rounds of trumps and then cash the A-K-Q of diamonds and A-K of clubs, ending in your hand. At this point, you lead a low spade toward dummy’s 9-4, and West, who holds the Q-10 of spades, must decide which of them to play.
If he makes the normal play of the 10, you make the slam. East must win with the jack, and since his only remaining cards are the Q-10-7 of clubs, he must lead one of them. This allows you to discard a spade from one hand while you ruff in the other, and the slam is home.
If West is smart enough to play his queen when you lead the spade toward dummy, he defeats you, but it has cost you nothing in the process to present him with an opportunity to make an error.
Actually, West has a very difficult decision to make when you lead the spade. From his point of view, he should play the 10 if he thinks you started with the J-6-3, and the queen if he thinks you started with 8-6-3. West might guess right, or he might guess wrong, but at least he should be given the chance to go astray. Lots of points — 1,530 of them — ride on his decision.