Wife hop­ing for baby wants hus­band to stop us­ing drugs

The Washington Times Daily - - Tteelleevviissiion - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN UNI­VER­SAL UCLICK

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I want to start a fam­ily, but un­til now our cir­cum­stances have not made this pos­si­ble. Af­ter a big move and start­ing a new busi­ness, we have de­cided it’s about time.

My prob­lem is my hus­band uses drugs to re­lieve stress. I don’t feel he abuses them; it just takes the edge off af­ter a hard day’s work like a glass of wine does for me some­times.

I would like him to stop tak­ing the drugs while we are try­ing to con­ceive in case it could af­fect the baby. He is un­will­ing and it makes me crazy. I have de­cided that if he can’t do this, he isn’t ready to be a fa­ther. On the other hand, he’s a hard worker, and I won­der if by ask­ing him to do this I am be­ing self­ish. Please give me some ad­vice. -READY FOR MOTH­ER­HOOD IN MIS­SIS­SIPPI

DEAR READY FOR MOTH­ER­HOOD: You are NOT be­ing self­ish, you are be­ing pru­dent. Ac­cord­ing to Dr. June Reinisch, di­rec­tor emerita of the Kin­sey In­sti­tute for Re­search in Sex, Gen­der and Re­pro­duc­tion: “There is some ev­i­dence that sug­gests cer­tain drugs can at­tach to the sperm and there­fore af­fect the fe­tus. So the best plan for a healthy baby would be for the man to be as ‘clean’ as pos­si­ble be­fore he starts to make a child. This is be­cause sperm are pro­duced about three months be­fore they are re­leased.”

DEAR ABBY: One of my hus­band’s rel­a­tives is fil­ing for bank­ruptcy for the third time. His wife re­cently started to re­ceive dis­abil­ity. I be­lieve they are abus­ing the sys­tem.

I know she was not truth­ful on her dis­abil­ity ap­pli­ca­tion. I work in the health care field and in the past have com­pleted eval­u­a­tions for dis­abil­ity claims. I know the only way she would meet the re­quire­ments would be if she mis­rep­re­sented her cur­rent abil­i­ties.

Ev­ery­one else in the fam­ily works hard to sup­port them­selves, so I can’t un­der­stand how this at­ti­tude is tol­er­ated. What has pushed me over the edge is they have an­nounced they’re go­ing to have a “bank­ruptcy party.” They have in­vited ev­ery­one over to en­joy food and bev­er­ages that will be pur­chased with a credit card they have no in­ten­tion of pay­ing.

I feel an obli­ga­tion to alert the dis­abil­ity of­fice to her mis­rep­re­sen­ta­tion. My hus­band agrees that what they’re do­ing is wrong, but he doesn’t want me to do any­thing about it. This has caused a prob­lem be­tween us be­cause I no longer want to go to fam­ily din­ners. I know if I keep go­ing and have to lis­ten to them laugh about us­ing tax­payer dol­lars to sup­port their lazi­ness, I will even­tu­ally ex­plode. What do you think about this? -- SOME­WHERE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR SOME­WHERE: I think your rel­a­tives are com­mit­ting fraud and that it should be re­ported. Dis­abil­ity pay­ments were meant for in­di­vid­u­als who truly need them, not those who are gam­ing the sys­tem. And if you choose not to as­so­ci­ate with th­ese kinds of morally bank­rupt in­di­vid­u­als, you shouldn’t have to. I can see how it would ruin your ap­petite. Shenani­gans like this should be in­ves­ti­gated and the abusers pros­e­cuted to the full ex­tent of the law.

DEAR ABBY: Well, here is a new one on me. I was walk­ing through a Macy’s look­ing for my wife, and right there in front of me was a 40-some­thing woman in her bra try­ing on a blouse! Please tell me -- is this the new nor­mal? -- GREG IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR GREG: It’s un­usual, but not un­heard of -- par­tic­u­larly if all of the dress­ing rooms are in use. In or­der to pre­vent this from hap­pen­ing again, avert your eyes when you’re in the women’s depart­ment.

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