Woman who left abusive ex struggles with lingering ties
DEAR ABBY: I was married to a man who ruled my every move. After years of torture and abuse, I finally became frightened enough to leave. Since then I have met a wonderful, caring, loving man who I wouldn’t trade for the world. He treats me with kindness, respect and love. He makes me laugh and smile and appreciate life. I am allowed to be myself and function how I will. I am happier than I have ever been.
My question is, sometimes I miss my emotionally and physically abusive ex. I have no desire to BE with him, but after all those years, it’s hard to adjust some days.
Is something wrong with me? I would never leave my current relationship for my ex. I feel like I have found my soul mate. But these lingering thoughts trouble me. Am I normal? What do I do? I don’t have a girlfriend to confide in. -- FOUND MY SOUL MATE
DEAR FOUND: I’m touched that you would confide in me. Yes, you are normal. Time has a way of dulling emotional pain, and with time we tend to gloss over unpleasantness. Your ex may not have been brutal and controlling all the time, and you are remembering the happier times.
I don’t think that what you are missing has much to do with HIM. What you may be missing is the adrenaline rush you got from the drama.
DEAR ABBY: I had an inappropriate relationship with a senior officer at the firm where I
TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (Nov. 27). Your habit of thinking ahead will give you a competitive edge when you need it. You’ll apply your sharp mind to debate and politics. When it comes to love, though, you don’t hold back or play it like a game. You’re all heart, and the love you give comes right back to you. 2014 will be one of your most romantic years. Libra and Cancer people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 11, 40, 44, 25 and 16.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). You create an experience for anyone who is getting to know you. It’s not that you’re trying to put on a show or make an impression, but it’s what happens naturally when you do what you feel compelled to do.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You don’t need to know how just yet. Just know that you can succeed, and you will. Much good will comes because you believe on a deep level that this is true.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). There may be a misunderstanding among friends. You’re not going to view this the same way tomorrow, so don’t make any big public statements about it.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Love who you are work. It ended a year ago. I was married at the time -- I am now divorced -- and he is married.
Occasionally during the past year, he has made advances, but I rejected them. However, today his advances were persistent and almost demanding. For the first time, I felt a little threatened.
I don’t want to cause trouble for him, his job and certainly not his family. But what do I do? I’d like to think he has gotten the message, but what if it continues? I like the guy; I’m just not interested anymore. -- DON’T WANT TROUBLE
DEAR DON’T WANT TROUBLE: It appears “Romeo” hasn’t quite gotten the message, so it’s time to make EXPLICIT your wishes in this matter. If he continues to persist, then you will have to report it to human resources.
DEAR ABBY: I have a great husband who has only one quirk. He often forgets to zip his fly. At home, who cares? But it happens in public too often and creates an uncomfortable scene when my friends are around.
Should I be hard on him, or just sympathize and keep my mouth shut? And what should I do when it’s clear that he’s the only one who doesn’t know? -- JUST ZIP IT
DEAR JUST ZIP IT: Has your husband always now. You will always be developing into someone new, but it’s wrong to save up all of your love for that person. Act now. Give yourself what you need. You deserve it.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Today is best played conservatively. Many of the risks aren’t worth taking. Use your head and don’t be impulsive. If there’s no prize, don’t compete. If there’s nothing to win by battling, don’t fight.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You know your perspective is realistic when you recognize that things have a beginning, middle and end. An unrealistic perspective is one that only sees one part of this cycle.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). What some people consider a crisis is just an average day in the life of others. Your stellar attitude allows you to objectively decide what to get excited or upset about and what to laugh at, too.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You are tempted to forgotten to zip his fly, or is his forgetfulness something recent? If it is recent, and you have noticed other lapses in what should be automatic behavior, then it is time he had a neurological evaluation by a physician.
Because this happens with some frequency, work out a code with him to remind him his fly is open -- or take him aside and quietly point out that he needs to make an adjustment.
DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother: Oh, Heavenly Father, We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.
We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved. May these remembrances stir us to service, That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen. Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY
TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown the eight days of Hanukkah begin. I can’t believe how early it has fallen this year. To all of you I wish a joyous Festival of Lights! do good deeds with humility so as not to draw too much attention to yourself. This is a bad idea, though. The world needs to see people doing admirable and helpful things, because others will follow suit.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You may have a difficult time persuading people directly, so try other strategies. For instance, present a number of baffling alternatives that will make your preferred choice seem like the easy route.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Math allows us to grapple with numbers that are too big or small for us to really wrap our brains around. You’ll use math in interesting ways to fix something today.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You don’t have to enjoy a process to find it fulfilling. Keep this in mind as you work. The joy may not exactly overflow, and yet you’ll look back and feel satisfied, even completely so.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You don’t like to base your emotional tone on external forces, but sometimes it just can’t be helped. Being around someone you adore will make you happy.
When declarer appears to be in a hopeless position, he might do well to remember the old baseball adage, “The game isn’t over till the last man’s out.” South did exactly that in today’s deal, and as a result succeeded in a situation that many would have considered a lost cause.
He ruffed the second spade lead and cashed the A-Q of hearts. When West failed to follow to the second heart, it appeared declarer would have to lose a trick in each suit and go down one.
But South did not give up, and continued to play on in the hope that East had started with a 3-4-3-3 distribution, in which case the contract could still be made. At trick five, he led the king of diamonds, losing to West’s ace. West’s spade return was ruffed by South with his last trump, and the Q-J of diamonds were cashed, East following suit to both.
At this point, East was known to have started with four hearts and at least three diamonds and three spades. Declarer had to hope that East did not have another spade or the 13th diamond, which would leave him room for at most two clubs.
With five tricks remaining to be played, declarer cashed the A-K of clubs and then, with fingers crossed, led a third club, hoping East would have to win the trick. When East unhappily won with the jack, he was compelled to lead from the J-9 of hearts into dummy’s K-10 at trick 12, and the contract was home.