Fake preg­nancy lures man into a live-in re­la­tion­ship

The Washington Times Daily - - Television - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine faked a preg­nancy to get a man to stay with her. Once he moved in, she told him she’d had a mis­car­riage. She even went so far as to name this so-called baby.

He now has the baby’s name tat­tooed on his arm! She goes on Face­book and talks about how she misses her “lit­tle baby boy,” and counts ev­ery month as though it is his birth­day. Ev­ery time I read it I get a sick feel­ing.

I want to tell this man the truth. I know for a FACT she was not preg­nant. I’m not sure how to go about this. If I say some­thing, I know I will end up the bad guy. Should I mind my own busi­ness or let this man know he’s liv­ing with a ma­niac? -- WANTS TO TELL THE TRUTH

DEAR WANTS: Your friend may have told this lie so of­ten that she has come to be­lieve it her­self. Or, she may be act­ing this out in or­der to hang onto the man. While I don’t think she is a ma­niac, I do think she may be un­bal­anced.

I agree the man has a right to know. Wouldn’t you want to be told if you were him? The way to do it is face-to-face. And be pre­pared for the friend­ship to end af­ter­ward. Frankly, that may be for the best be­cause the woman has more prob­lems than you can cope with.

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I have re­cently moved and are now be­ing bom­barded with de­mands to see our home. I was brought up to be­lieve that invit­ing your­self to any­thing, es­pe­cially the pri­vacy of some­one’s home, is ex­tremely rude.

I un­der­stand our fam­ily is ex­cited for us, and it is nice to be loved -- but our home isn’t ready to be shown, and peo­ple won’t give up! Telling them about the re­mod­el­ing mess and that we plan to have a house­warm­ing party in the fu­ture when ev­ery­one can see our place has been in­ef­fec­tive.

The times I have been un­able to avoid peo­ple who in­sisted on com­ing over, they were rude and judg­men­tal about the mov­ing mess. Please ad­vise me how to say “no” with­out of­fend­ing those who are of­fend­ing me. -- ETI­QUETTE-BOUND HOME­OWNER IN KANSAS

DEAR HOME­OWNER: I’ll of­fer a tip. It is amaz­ing what a per­son can get away with say­ing if it is done with a smile. All you have to do is smile and say, “Nope. NO ONE can see it un­til the un­veil­ing.” And re­mem­ber, it isn’t rude to stand your ground when some­one is try­ing to en­croach upon it. Even fam­ily mem­bers.

DEAR ABBY: My prob­lem is my mother. My en­tire life (I am 50) she has made me choose be­tween her and Dad for the hol­i­days. They have been di­vorced for 30 years, and she still speaks ill of him. She has made ev­ery wed­ding or fam­ily event un­bear­able. It has reached the point that I feel guilty if I want to go and see him.

She is now do­ing the same thing with my boyfriend of four years. A lot has tran­spired be­tween us, but we are on a good path and are very much in­volved in each other’s lives. She re­fused to spend this past Easter with us, in­clud­ing my chil­dren, if he was around. I told her that it was her choice and she is al­ways wel­come to at­tend.

With Christ­mas fast ap­proach­ing, I don’t want all the drama and black­mail to con­tinue. Help! -- WEARY IN WIS­CON­SIN

DEAR WEARY: You han­dled Easter ap­pro­pri­ately and you should do the same with Christ­mas. If your mother chooses not to at­tend, the choice is hers. Con­sider ask­ing your fa­ther to join you if she won’t be there.

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