Girl­friend seeks best way to nudge boy out of dad’s bed

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been to­gether for two years. I moved in with him about a year ago. He has a 9-year-old son, “Todd,” who stays with us ev­ery other week.

Todd is a great kid, but he has a ge­netic dis­or­der and still of­ten wets his bed. When it hap­pens, he changes his pa­ja­mas and then climbs into bed with us. I don’t mind, but I have told my boyfriend we need to start the process of his son not get­ting in bed with us three to four times a week.

Be­cause I know it’s go­ing to be a process that is go­ing to take time, I’m try­ing to get it started now. I re­ally don’t want an 11- or 12-year-old sleep­ing in our bed. How should I get this process started with­out nag­ging my boyfriend? — GREAT KID, BUT …

DEAR GREAT KID, BUT … : You have a point. Todd is a lit­tle too old to be climb­ing into bed with the two of you. What needs to be ad­dressed -- with the boy’s pe­di­a­tri­cian and pos­si­bly a urol­o­gist -- is the is­sue of the bed­wet­ting. Af­ter that’s been re­solved, sug­gest that your boyfriend have a talk with Todd and ex­plain that he’s old enough to sleep in his own bed.

DEAR ABBY: I am a sin­gle, 55-year-old man. Dur­ing the last year, I have felt lost. My mother, my last close rel­a­tive, passed away. My brother and sis­ter died years ago, as did my fa­ther. We were a very close fam­ily. Now I am an or­phan!

I don’t have chil­dren and I’m not sure what I need to do. I’m in the process of sell­ing the fam­ily home/of­fice where I worked for the last 30 years, but I feel guilty about it. There’s so much stuff to sort through -- both busi­ness and per­sonal -- that I don’t know where to start. I’m over­whelmed and hav­ing so many anxiety at­tacks I can’t get the things done that I need to.

When I sell this place, I know I’m go­ing to be dev­as­tated. I have been suf­fer­ing with de­pres­sion for more than 20 years, but now I seem to have hit bot­tom. My busi­ness is fail­ing. I have a cou­ple of friends, but they have their own fam­i­lies and prob­lems. This is af­fect­ing my phys­i­cal and men­tal health. How can I get past it? I’m not a re­li­gious per­son. — ALONE AND SAD

DEAR ALONE AND SAD: Please ac­cept my sym­pa­thy for the loss of your mother. Grief af­ter the death of a loved one is a nor­mal emo­tion, and you might find com­fort by join­ing a grief sup­port group. This would not only give you a safe place to talk about your feel­ings, but also help you to feel less iso­lated.

If you haven’t al­ready done so, sched­ule an ap­point­ment with the physi­cian who has been treat­ing your chronic de­pres­sion (as­sum­ing it has been treated) and ask to have your med­i­ca­tions re­viewed. If you have not re­ceived treat­ment, tell your doc­tor what has been go­ing on and ask for a re­fer­ral to a li­censed ther­a­pist who works with a psy­chi­a­trist who can pre­scribe some­thing ap­pro­pri­ate.

And re­mem­ber that while sell­ing the house/of­fice is clos­ing a chap­ter in your life, it is also sig­nal­ing the be­gin­ning of a new one. It may give you the re­newed en­ergy -- as well as the fi­nan­cial means -- to sal­vage your busi­ness or start one. Please know I wish you a happy fu­ture.

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