Daugh­ter who val­ues pri­vacy keeps gabby mom at dis­tance

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: My mother has a tight cir­cle of friends she so­cial­izes with of­ten. They are all re­tired with grown chil­dren and grand­chil­dren and ea­ger to share ev­ery bit of news of their lives. Mom talks non­stop about her friends’ chil­dren’s par­ent­ing chal­lenges, mar­i­tal squab­bles and med­i­cal is­sues. The chal­lenge for me is that any­thing I tell her be­comes fod­der for their cock­tail-hour dis­cus­sion, which then gets around our com­mu­nity.

Af­ter hear­ing that the daugh­ter of one of my mom’s neigh­bors knew the re­sults of my breast biopsy, I stopped shar­ing any­thing per­sonal.

This has dam­aged our re­la­tion­ship. She doesn’t think mothers and daugh­ters should keep se­crets from each other, and I agree, but she also said she won’t keep se­crets from her friends.

I miss be­ing able to turn to her for sup­port, but do not want the world to know my busi­ness. I un­der­stand that her friends are like fam­ily to her, but they are not MY fam­ily, and I think she has cho­sen gos­sip over our re­la­tion­ship. Is keep­ing her at arm’s length my only choice here, or is there an­other path that I can’t see? — NONE OF THEIR BUSI­NESS

DEAR NONE OF THEIR BUSI­NESS: Your mother’s judg­ment is ter­ri­ble. Her friends may be “like fam­ily” to her, but they are not FAM­ILY. If you pre­fer not to have your per­sonal busi­ness be fod­der for lunchtime con­ver­sa­tion, then your only choice is to care­fully edit what you tell her.

● Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby. com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.