Al­co­holic hus­band’s cru­elty ex­tends even to fam­ily cat

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band drinks a lot. When he does, his per­son­al­ity changes to the point that I don’t want to be around him. He’s aware of this, but he con­tin­ues to drink.

Re­cently I caught him sneak­ing al­co­hol, so I hid the bot­tle. When he re­al­ized what I had done, he re­tal­i­ated by let­ting our cat out af­ter dark, which we don’t do be­cause of the coy­otes in our area. (We re­cently lost a cat to them af­ter dark.) Af­ter he did it, “Joe” non­cha­lantly let me know the cat was out­side. He didn’t say why he did it, but I fig­ured it out.

I know he’s an al­co­holic, but isn’t this evil? It feels evil. Or is it the stunted, vin­dic­tive mind of an al­co­holic? — LET THE CAT OUT

DEAR LET THE CAT OUT: Whether your hus­band’s mind is stunted, I can’t say. But what he did was, in­deed, vin­dic­tive. It was also cruel. As your let­ter shows, al­co­holism is a dis­ease that af­fects not only the al­co­holic, but also the peo­ple who are close to them.

Whether you can con­tinue liv­ing this way is for you to de­cide, but be­fore mak­ing up your mind, you would be wise to visit some Al-Anon meet­ings. To find one near you, visit al-anon.ala­teen.org or call 1-888-4-ALANON. Please don’t wait.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in­volved with a younger man for 15 years. “Grant” and I were great friends, but al­ways kept things ca­sual — bars, ho­tels, sports events. We agreed we would dis­cuss it if we wanted to date other peo­ple and al­lowed each other the free­dom to do so over the years, but we would al­ways come back to­gether.

This year on my birthday I was shocked to find out through so­cial me­dia that Grant has been in a re­la­tion­ship with an­other woman the whole time I have known him. In fact, he mar­ried her and had a baby with her! He has been ly­ing to me since the day we met.

I feel ter­ri­ble not only for my­self, but also for Grant’s wife. I con­sider him a scum­bag at this point. My gut re­ac­tion was to con­tact his wife and spill the beans. But af­ter I cooled down, I’m not sure if it makes sense to ruin three more lives. I just feel he should be re­spon­si­ble for his ac­tions and shouldn’t get away with it. What would you do in this sit­u­a­tion? — BURNT TO A CRISP

DEAR BURNT: Hon­estly? I’d move on.

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