Dad’s af­fair brings mis­ery to his fam­ily and to him

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: My dad started an af­fair with a woman who is four years older than I am. He met her when he hired her for her “ser­vices.” Fast-for­ward a year: He has left my mom. Mom left the state and has moved in with me. She’s try­ing to re­build her life, but she’s still very much in love with my dad.

Dad, on the other hand, is mis­er­able. His girl­friend is con­trol­ling to the point that he’s not al­lowed to talk to his chil­dren or grand­chil­dren. She’s an al­co­holic who men­tally, ver­bally and phys­i­cally abuses him. He re­cently left her and came to stay at my house. He told Mom and me that he wanted a fresh start.

Abby, he was here for less than 48 hours and went back to the girl­friend! I am con­vinced that he ei­ther has a drug prob­lem or he’s sick. He has lost an ex­treme amount of weight. I have no idea how to help him and I’m ter­ri­fied that he is go­ing to die.

Now he won’t talk to me. I don’t un­der­stand why he would come here only to turn right around and leave. I am dis­gusted, dis­ap­pointed and an­gry. Should I cut all ties with him un­til he gets his life to­gether? — DIS­AP­POINTED DAUGH­TER

DEAR DIS­AP­POINTED: Con­sid­er­ing what has been go­ing on, your feel­ings are nat­u­ral. How­ever, be­cause you are un­sure about what is driv­ing your fa­ther — ad­dic­tion, ill­ness, in­de­ci­sion, etc. -- do not “cut all ties.” Leave the door ajar a lit­tle longer. There’s a say­ing, “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” Vic­tims some­times need sev­eral at­tempts to leave their abusers, and your dad may be no ex­cep­tion.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dat­ing a won­der­ful girl for about seven months. We’re sopho­mores in col­lege.

The prob­lem is that I’m start­ing to no­tice that she seems to be ho­mo­pho­bic. I was raised in a lib­eral, open-minded home, whereas hers was much more con­ser­va­tive. She never met a ho­mo­sex­ual un­til col­lege. She has talked about feel­ing un­com­fort­able with two men kiss­ing or talk­ing about be­ing in­ti­mate.

I care for her, but I don’t know if I can be with some­one who’s this un­com­fort­able about ho­mo­sex­u­al­ity. What do you think I should do? — TORN COL­LEGE SOPHO­MORE

DEAR TORN: She may be a won­der­ful girl, but whether you are won­der­ful for each other is open to ques­tion. Try to project ahead. If the two of you were to marry and she was un­able to over­come her aver­sion to gay peo­ple, to what ex­tent would it limit your abil­ity to in­ter­act with them? Or their abil­ity to have a re­la­tion­ship with you?

Let this play out a lit­tle longer to see if she’s able to evolve with more exposure. If she’s not, then she may not be the one for you.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.